Saturday, July 31, 2010

ART-Dr. Brian Gervais

so i did a post awhile back on dr. brian gervais and the style of work he does. here is his new commercial
honestly, if you are having any issues with mobility or just want to get more in tune with your body go and check him out.

one week

oh my goodness.

ONE WEEK ladies and gentlemen...
one week until the first annual 5K Love takes place.
seven days until my dream becomes a reality

and i don't even know how to start my day today. there are soo many things i need to do.
one thing at a time, right?

Friday, July 30, 2010

social media.

planning this event has been such a learning experience. the most interesting aspect has been social media. facebook and blogs and email and....the list goes on and on. i have resisted twitter. just can't tweet yet. or is it tweeter and you twit? i don't know.
honestly, i'm not a huge fan of facebook. and wasn't a huge on of myspace either, except that i could create my own background and add music to my page. but all that is so high school, right?
don't get me wrong it's a venue for a lot of great things. the 5k love for example, i was able to send an invite to my friends and then other people were able to pass it along to their friends. over 2500 people just on FB alone have seen the event. 
then a few people told me about running sites i should post it on. i sent the info to some and had one email me back. kelly at did a nice post on the event. see here
and though the Yes replies are far fewer than what was sent out, at least the event is being exposed...and in the right places. 
i'm about to get all field of dreams, again (gee, i act like i'm from iowa or something) and say...if you build it they will come.
the event is being built and people will come. 

i'm super excited! 

Thursday, July 29, 2010

trader joe's dark chocolate almonds

so delicious it's ridiculous

some of you may remember how much i love trader joe's sesame honey covered almonds...well, let me introduce you to their new best friends! my sister in law had purchased some dark chocolate covered almonds for my niece's baptism.
during one of my many trips to portland i stopped by tj's to pick a few things up and remembered the almonds. thought they would make a great treat for the weekend. 
a friendly staff member asked if i was finding everything ok  (clearly i wasn't) "not you happen to know where these almonds would be?"
he starts to direct me towards them and suddenly stops."hey, have you ever tried the dark chocolate with sea salt almonds?"
"OMG no, i haven't!" his smile was almost mischievous..."wanna try them" he asked? i looked him directly in the eyes and said "YES"
out came his box cutter.  he opened the plastic wrapping. reaching my hand in...i made eye contact again. he was now grinning from ear to ear.  the taste was amazing! honestly it's a delightful combo. i'm not a huge fan of super sweet so there is just enough  turbinado sugar mixed with sea salt atop a nice coating of dark chocolate to give you a combo that hits every major taste bud.
"so what do you think" he asked... i just kept chewing. 'nuf said.
he then saw my favorite honey sesame coated almonds in my basket. he looked down and then back at me again...."have you tried the sesame honey coated cashews?"
he smiled again "they are even better" he exclaims!
i smiled back and wondered if this tj employee knew that he was my new best friend. ha ha!

go and get yourself some of these almonds. mix it up and grab a bag of the sesame honey almonds or cashews too...and please be sure to invite me over when you get back from the store :)

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

a piece of 2004

i have been finding writings written long's been interesting re-reading them...having come so far...yet it almost seems like i was more creative back then...this of course, is not the case. my creativity is just different...i'm in a more positive place now. while the past is over and i don't care to would be great to travel back to 2004--just so i could give me a hug

please sit beside me in my shadow of love. you know i want the world for you but i'm barely hanging on. my desire to be all that you need is contagious, but my ability to rationalize has been lost. i feel a bit in despair, questionably more than i can bare...
for all the pain i've caused that can't be repaired... i apologize tenfold.
i would ask you to dance but i can't match the rhythm. so instead i sit on clouds of gold. as the music plays-- its notes form a glittery snowstorm of melodies. each note arrives upon my ear like a bee on a blossom.
your voice is the music, which sounds like the moment when time meets the future and the present becomes the past.
like sweet nectar-you my loving hummingbird. landing so delicately upon my heart, with wings like whispers so bold.
our kisses are the intricate interlacing of two souls. a snapshot of what could be. eternity bound. 
from here on out my compass contains only you. no more blindfolds of pain; instead sun rays of trust upon my face. 
and your hand in amazing grace.


Tuesday, July 27, 2010

tisk task

yes, the theme as of late has been a little more mushy and self lovey than i even know how to explain. guess this is just where i am right now...

ok, talk about a great quote!!

"your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it" -rumi

honestly...what good will love be if you can't let it in when it arrives on your doorstep?

Monday, July 26, 2010

dr james-dreams vs expectations

my dear friend and i were talking about the july 4th reading in the book simple abundance by sarah ban breathnach. a quote by alice walker starts out the piece "expect nothing, live frugally on surprise"
it is written that many of us mistakenly think that lowering our expectations means we must surrender our dreams. 

i'm guilty...of being confused. how do we know the difference?
she says that "dreams call for a leap of faith, trusting that Spirit is holding the net, so that you can continue in the re-creation of the world with your energy, soul, gifts, and vision. expectations are the emotional investment the ego makes in a particular outcome--what needs to happen to make that dream come true. the ego's expectations are never vague"
if something doesn't manifest the way the ego had directed it...the way the ego had dictated was best for you...then you are left with a broken heart, bitter feelings, disappointment and it  can be self destructive.

i've been told that i have high expectations. this has always been hard to hear...
but i'm realizing that it maybe stems from having such high expectations of myself...that i inadvertently transfer those onto others...
a friend of mine likes to remind me to have low expectations. i've always thought this was his way to be lazy.but maybe he has been right--to some extent. he never said don't dream big...maybe he was warning me not to invest solely in the outcome- it may not lead to the happiness i had forecasted or assumed
it is important that i be patient with myself as i continue to not only learn the difference but to live it as well!
our ego is at the root of most expectations. think about it. have you ever given a gift to someone and been disappointed in their reaction upon receiving it? i have. that is an expectation that didn't pan out the way i had hoped. and usually i have ended up hurt or frustrated...when really, my only intention was to give a the other person receives it doesn't negate the gift.

i dated a guy once who, when asked a question, didn't answer the way my ego had hoped and i must have let it be known. he simply said--"i am sorry i am unable to do cartwheels at this time" ouch. but i can appreciate where he was coming from. our expectations were different.
the author continues by saying that she approaches the delicate balance of dreams and expectations based on dr james' teachings....DREAM, DO, DETACH. so simple and yet so true!
dr james continues..." once a decision is reached and execution is the order of the day, dismiss absolutely all responsibility and care about the outcome"

how true is that? while i've been planning the 5k, i've worried about what other people will think if it doesn't go just like so...i've worried that people will deem me incompetent and too unorganized to do such a thing. why would i dream this big anyway, i clearly have no idea what i am doing right?...
the list is long and pointless. and though i want to justify caring about the outcome, it is just the ego at work. i've put my all into it and have learned a lot. i can't lose sight of that.

sarah, the author tells us to go out and get real and personal about the pursuit of happiness and reminds us of what oprah once said about how god's dreams were "much more than she could have ever dreamed for herself" 
well said. she closes with a wonderful sentence "i also believe we'll only find out once we start investing our emotions in authentic expression, and not in specific outcomes"

our egos play tricks on us and cloud the distinction between what we want and how we think we are going to obtain it.
maybe it's time we play a trick on our egos and focus on the dream!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

peace, love....when?

i saw this in portland on a walking tour. while i realize it was intended on a global level, it actually hit me on a more personal one.
some of you know that i have been trying to overcome my insecurities and learn to love ME...i want to feel at peace with myself. be ok in my own skin. accept my talents and trust that i have more potential than i may ever realize.
when i saw this the only response that came to mind was NOW!!!

it really is time.

Friday, July 23, 2010

sometimes it ain't easy...

but other times it is...
amidst all that has been going on recently, i've managed to become a roller coaster of emotion...swinging high and swinging low. 
i have been reading some "positive" themed books and occasionally  find excerpts that i think are good reminders for myself...this is one of them...

"our natural state of being is joy. it takes so much energy to think negative thoughts, to speak negative words, and to feel miserable. the easy path is good thoughts, good words, and good deeds. 

take the easy path.

and while i appreciate a challenge or sometimes taking the more difficult route, when it comes to feeling good...i would rather it come easily

Thursday, July 22, 2010

baby caleb

i realized i haven't posted any pictures of sweet baby caleb...who the 5k is in honor of...
we are 15 days out and though i am nervous...these pictures help remind me of why this is all SOOOO VERY worthwhile.
caleb's mom and dad did an interview with the local tv station today (more on that later) and it was very touching...they brought a photo album of his short journey here on earth. i merely opened the album and had to fight back tears.
caleb's mom wrote once that caleb "felt like an old soul, too incredibly patient for a newborn who went through everything he endured"
looking at these pictures, i would have to agree.
what a brave little guy.
i was never able to meet caleb but he has touched my life...and though i would rather have him here -physically-to watch waddle around the see him interact with his siblings...and to watch his parents hug and kiss him...
i have no doubt he is with us in spirit...

Monday, July 19, 2010

big news

is it a bird, is it a plane? nope, but it sure is big news.
so big in fact that i have to leave you hanging...
well, i guess i could give you a clue

and no...this is NOT where i currently live....

Sunday, July 18, 2010

M & M

mollee excited about her new ipod
miranda wearing her cool shades
these are two of my favorite people on the planet. they are my nieces. mollee is actually my goddaughter as well. my pattern has been to go back to the midwest every 2 years or so. obviously i always expect the girls to have changed but wow, this time around i was floored. in my head i still see miranda as a toddler and mollee a few days old. i can still catch a glimpse of those days in some of their expressions...but they truly are blossoming into young ladies. 
we've all grown i guess. every trip back i enjoy more and more...not that i haven't enjoyed it in the's just that there were many visits where i wasn't feeling that great. days were clouded with depression and although i wanted to be present...i only partially succeeded. 
but this trip, i was able to hang out with miranda and my sister downtown omaha. we went to lunch. miranda ordered a rich chocolate dessert. i ordered a beer. we all conversed. i could see that miranda was in the transitional phase. it was such a blast to have her with. 
mollee told me all about her wizard camp she was going to attend; she also told me about all of the greek gods and goddesses. 
getting to watch the two of them reveal what excited them was amazing in the sense that i realized they are their own person. just as i was and am. they would ask me questions about things i do with my life and i realized how similar we all are...amongst the expanse of age and gender and race...
miranda is a very talented soccer is mollee. funny enough mollee tends to prefer defense while miranda generally plays a lot of offense. 
miranda still loves horses...while mollee still wants to hold my hand...
when they call me aunt emilee, i truly feel blessed. it saddens me that i don't get to see them as often. i'd love to just call up and say hey, it's friday...let's go to a movie...
or hey aunt emilee, i have a game tonight will you please come and watch? and i could be there. 
it's also been fun seeing my sister be a mom. she is 7 years older than me and i feel at times i never got to know her as well growing up. i always idolized her...not that i don't's just different. 
she is a wonderful mom!
when i left home this time, i really struggled. tears started to brew. my sister and i don't say much in those moments...both trying to play tough. 
the girls however caught on...and gave me even more hugs and mollee squeezed me even tighter. 
i wasn't able to look back as they drove off...afraid of breaking down. 
it's been nearly 2 months already since i was back and i already look forward to the next time. (hopefully they can come out here too) i'm starting to realize though that i need to see my favorite m&m's more than once every 2 years.

Saturday, July 17, 2010


i love to blog...although i don't do it as much as i would like. sometimes it is because i am busy...other times it deals with insecurity (more on that later)
but what i like most about blogging is the interactive aspect...when people comment or at least check a box...where i at least know someone is reading it.
to my loyal readers--thank you.
it's obvious that if my blog were good enough people would read it... i need to figure out what to write about. or rather what people want to read about...which is a little more challenging but i like a challenge and it gives me something to work on. anyone who knows me knows my brain is on constant overload...i could hit 13 topics in the first sometimes it is good for me to be focused. robin, the awesome crossfitter/writer that i often mention, blogs about her crossfit workouts and the real life struggles and successes that come with doing crossfit...and she writes really well.
it may sound egotistical that i want people to read what i write...but it just boils down to me wanting to interact with others. i want to believe that someday what i write about could help someone or entertain could make them think or laugh out loud...
so what should i write about? i need some focus

Friday, July 16, 2010

sign of the times

sign on the counter at an ice cream shop in omaha, ne       

i absolutely love this sign...

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

the sky on the 4th of july

here are some pictures i took while watching the firework display after the portland beavers favorite part is naming the photos :)
heart it races

space invader

whispering jellyfish

electric waterfall

 red tornado

a grove of willow trees

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Monday, July 12, 2010

foot traffic flat 5k race review

i signed up for this event forgetting that i might go out with my friend the night before. waking up at 4 am on the 4th, i was already feeling the bombs bursting in air...or my head. it was an easy decision to roll over and turn off my alarm. clearly there would be no 5k for me.
unfortunately my friend had set his alarm so my attempt to fade away into the couch failed. he kept tapping my shoulder. emilee, get up. i said, you aren't even running the event, why do you care if i do...he said, because i'm pretty sure you will be mad at yourself if you don't.
ughh...he was right...
so i woke up...but my brain kept sleeping.

we hit the road at 5am as we were told to get there by 5:45 since they said there would be a ton of traffic on the 'island'. i had written the directions down on a piece of paper that i conveniently left at the house. something about shuttle 'buses' came to mind and i saw a few yellow ones that i just assumed were going to the we caught up with them we realized it was a team of little league sluggers. we started laughing and turned around.
just as i was losing faith that we were going to find this place, we noticed a large 'if you build it they will come' line of cars...oh great i thought...and there was no coffee in the car (or advil). bummer.
it was hard to keep cool since the event was to start any second but we soon learned that they were delaying all start times due to .... you guessed it...traffic!
so, i stood in line to use the honey bucket and felt my brain trying to wake up.
it was chilly in the shade. my muscles were cold.
the marathoners started about 10 minutes after we arrived. there weren't that many. after they left, all the pink bibs started to congregate. it hit me that everyone's bib was a different color to signify the event you were running.
my bib was white. there were plenty of pink bibs...this event had been sold out
they kept delaying the start since traffic was still backed up. finally it was decided to start the half given that it was a chipped event...technically they could start whenever.
there didn't seem to be many 5k runners; i still felt like a bit off but was trying to mentally prepare myself.
as the announcer said we had 5 minutes until the start someone sang the national anthem and i felt a patriotic chill of excitement run down my spine.
all of the sudden i started to come to life. initially i told myself this would be a leisure run --just go easy since i haven't been running much.
but who are we kidding...
as soon as the gun went off a surge of energy revealed itself...there was no watch wrapped around my wrist so my pace was unknown...thankfully my ipod shuffle accompanied me to hide the sound of my labored breathing
there is always a cluster of people as the gun goes off...but it quickly disperses into a stream. the sun was already out and was beating down hard. thankfully i had shed my sweatshirt prior to the start...although i was not happy about it was acting as a duvet cover...remember, although i was standing, i was still sleeping.
all systems were 'go'
it was hard to know what pace i was i tried not to think about it...
the water station was at about mile one. they were ringing cow bells and cheering us on. that was nice.
there were some little kids running the event and they were doing a great job. so great in fact i started to feel a bit jealous...ha ha! the actual women's winner of the 5k was only 13 years old! yeah...seriously!
my calves started to tighten up right after the water station and as usual i thought they might explode. the internal mental debate was exhausting....should i stop and try to stretch them or keep going?
the voice telling me i would be a wimp if i stopped won.
something happened deep inside... i just became angry...not in a mean way...but i was angry at my calves. i told them they had 3 months off to party it up and take it easy but it was high time we get back at it.
when i hit the turn around point i knew that i was going to make it but my concern was that my pace would slow i kept my eye on the woman ahead of me and told myself not to let her out of my site.
the calves were burning. my ankle was swollen...
the music was the only thing keeping me in it. i would keep shuffling until the right songs came on. what makes a 'right' song? well, it depends but in this particular instance, anything that made me want to run FASTER!
eventually the finish line was in site. i could see a shadow getting closer to me...i was determined to not let this person pass me.
and they didn't.
my time was 25:26 or something like that. my stomach wasn't sure what to i paced around for awhile and found my friend.
my goal had been to get 27 minutes or i was really happy given i haven't been running much..

later i received an email regarding the results and learned that i had finished 4th in my age group
and 38th or something overall...out of 235 or so participants...
it's nothing spectacular but it sure is a heck of a lot better than i ever thought i would do....especially since i was going to sleep right through it.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

lyrics i love

this song is by india arie and describes better than i can-- how i feel...

I am ready for love

Why are you hiding from me
I'd quickly give my freedom
To be held in your captivity

I am ready for love

All of the joy and the pain
And all the time that it takes
Just to stay in your good grace
Lately I've been thinking
Maybe you're not ready for me
Maybe you think I need to learn maturity

They say watch what you ask for
Cause you might receive
But if you ask me tomorrow
I'll say the same thing

I am ready for love

Would you please lend me your ear?
I promise I won't complain
I just need you to acknowledge I am here
If you give me half a chance

I'll prove this to you

I will be patient, kind, faithful and true
To a man who loves music
A man who loves art
Respects the spirit world
And thinks with his heart

I am ready for love

If you'll take me in your hands
I will learn what you teach
And do the best that I can

I am ready for love

Here with an offering of

My voice

My Eyes

My soul

My mind

Tell me what is enough

To prove I am ready for love

I am ready

Saturday, July 10, 2010

5k Love details

hello dear readers

here are the details of the 5k Love. this event can be found on facebook, just search 5k. if you know anyone who might be interested in this event, please pass it along....we are just hoping for a wonderful turnout! i appreciate your help!

The first ever 5k Love has been organized to honor the memory of Caleb Stecker who was born 8/8/08 with a congenital heart defect called HLHS (Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome). Caleb received his treatment at Doernbecher Children’s Hospital. Sadly, he passed away at only 50 days old on 9/28/08 due to complications following surgery.
His courageous spirit affected everyone who met him and in celebrating his life we are also bringing awareness to the community regarding congenital heart defects. Please join us in celebrating this special day!
August 7th, 2010
**event will be open at 8am. We will have a waiver for you to sign.
Kids Fun Run - 8:30 am
5k Love- 9:00 am
(event will be held at Skinner Butte Park)
**we are pleased to have Diana Nagai on site to help us capture this special day. please check out her out, she's great
**Sponsors- If you or your company would like to support this exciting event, please email or 541-543-0847.
** Volunteers are ALWAYS needed! If you are interested, please contact me at
**All are welcome to participate. We are trying to get as accurate head count as possible for planning purposes so PLEASE RSVP!!!
Be sure to rsvp for your child if they plan on running the Kids Fun Run.
**This is a DONATION based event. It all makes a difference, so bring what you can. Anyone writing a check can make it payable to:
Caleb Stecker 5K Love Fund
**If you aren't able to make it but still would like to donate, please send your check to:
 Caleb Stecker Foundation
 PO BOX 2431
 Eugene OR 97402
**Money raised by the 5K will be used to support Doernbecher Children’s hospital Cardiac Unit (where Caleb had his surgery)
**You will see some 5K Love t-shirts floating around, don't be sad, you can have one too! Please bring $10 and we will be sure to order you one!
An added bonus: The folks at Eugene Crossfit are going to make sure those who are wanting to amp up their 5k will have a few stops along the course...not to rest silly...check out to see what fun things we crossfitters do.
**Think green, CARPOOL!
** strollers welcome **Course will be on bike path along the river
Please pass this event along to anyone you think might be interested. The more the merrier.

Thursday, July 8, 2010


robin the awesome, a fellow crossfitter, shared a link to this movie in response to one of my blog posts...
and i wanted to share with anyone else who hasn't seen it...and if you have seen it, why not watch it again....i think it rocks!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

night owl

blue night owl/image found on web

i have been having the hardest time staying awake when i need to and sleeping when i am supposed to.
this isn't healthy and i realize it but i don't know how to change it. i've tried some supplements and meditation but even when i am successful at falling asleep i still manage to wake up multiple times a night...and then i get up...
i check my email or eat something usually and then tell myself to crawl back into bed.
more times than not i can fall asleep but these patches of sleep are just not doing the trick. i wake up after abusing my snooze privileges. by 10 am i just want to crawl under my desk and take a nap. i don't even like naps. 
my mom would tell you i've always been a night owl and i would tend to agree, but i also wouldn't say i'm one of those i can sleep until noon types either, so what i'm left with is little sleep or sporadic moments of dozing off; and every time i wake up extremely anxious.
i have to believe this is just a sign that something isn't working...something has to change. 
but change is hard and requires i'm going to need to get some sleep.
any ideas?

Thursday, July 1, 2010

should i stay or should i go?

the house across from my brother, biz, and baby bean went up for rent. it has a wonderful backyard...and 3 rooms with a nice kitchen and the laundry room conveniently located nearby. the owner of the property is personable and has a great energy to him. he is left handed too. larry said that his first tenants lived there for 14 years! that is a really long time! i'm thinking that they must have really enjoyed the house.
the main problem isn't is the down payment. first month, last month, and a security deposit. yikes! oh and i still have my job in that is where my gym is...the gym that i love. but those are just details, right? i don't know if portland is the best fit for me...but i have been craving family. family dinners and little get togethers. i have been desiring a house with a backyard that could hold guests as well (plus host wafflepalooza **details to come). i also know this area super well.
i have to turn in the application today and i'm just not sure how to proceed. i have looked for places in eugene for 2 months now and haven't found anything. my job, though it's going better than it has been just isn't satisfying my creative tooth, and as much as i love eugene, being 30 and single just seems to be the minority...i trust that you sometimes have to take a leap but i also know that it isn't easy...
but it's not easy feeling stagnant either.