Wednesday, April 28, 2010

the best find at trader joe's

ok, so i house sit...a lot. and when i do, there is usually a note that includes instructions on what to feed the dog, what treats to give them, what day the trash is picked up and so forth...
the note also tells me to "help yourself to the contents of the cupboards or fridge"
though i am a fairly picky eater i often find at least one item to try that i otherwise would not have...because i wouldn't even think to buy it...you know?
well, one of the houses had a bag (already open) of these sesame honey almonds from trader joe's. i love almonds, sesame seeds, and honey....so i thought...hmmm, maybe i should give these a try.
OMG!!!! OMG!!!! OMG!!!! i must admit, i didn't even know what to expect...although i think any expectations would have been completely surpassed. such a wonderful combo!!! 
i promised myself i would only eat a few...but that was BEFORE i ate one.
one became another and then another. i even snuck a few into my breakfast and before you know it the bag was empty. it was the damndest thing!
so, i went to trader joe's before leaving for mexico....looking for some snacks to take along.
my boot and i waltzed around the store finding a few items that sounded good. the last aisle i walked down shelved a very large assortment of nuts. while looking for some walnuts i spotted an item that mentioned almonds, sesame, and honey and then it hit me...well, not literally, but flashbacks of my time house sitting....eating these delicious bits of amazing!!! flooded my mind.
admittedly i was a bit anxious to get them...because i knew that i would eat them all and more than likely during my 2 hour drive to portland....
but i bought them and managed to keep them unopened until i got in the car....yeah, call me captain willpower!
so...the next time you are at trader joe's be sure to pick a bag or two or three...actually, i think i'm going to head there now...ha ha!

Monday, April 19, 2010

it happened...

i fell down the stairs yesterday.
let's play this in reverse.
there i sat at the bottom of the stairs. giant space boot in my right hand, left wrist sore.
my tailbone was super tender and broken foot was a little achey.
i was scrupulously walking down the stairs carrying the boot and wearing just a sock on broken foot. normal foot was wearing a slip on shoe. everything seemed good to go.
problem being when you don't have mr. boot on, especially when you don't have mr. boot on, you rely solely on your normal foot. well, when normal foot slips from beneath you, you have .1 seconds to think of a game plan.
i didn't have one...and i'm a pretty quick thinker.
so there i was...ass sliding down the stairs.
before that i had just taken a shower. feeling very fresh and clean i realized i would need a new sock to go on broken foot before i stuck it in its cocoon. clean sock was downstairs. it seemed like too much effort to put boot on just to have to take it off when i got downstairs. so i told myself to be VERY careful and walk cautiously down, step by step. and i did...
apparently my shoe was slick while the carpet provided the slide. like oil and water. you know, the two that are notorious for not mixing?
the end result...complete and utter shock.
had anyone else been in the house they wouldn't have heard me make a peep. not sure if this is because i don't know "how" to respond-as if there is a "certain" sound to make when you fall down the stairs.
but one's reaction to an event often seems like an S.O.S. code...i want to make sure my reaction fits the occasion. silence seemed suitable...given i really didn't know what just happened. i mean...i knew...but didn't fully know.
(what's interesting funny is you'd think that my arm had been cut off when a guy breaks up with me...i cry more, feel awful, and if there was a prescription to medicate mend  a heartache, i would hands down, no question about it, take it)
i hardly took anything for my broken foot. took my pain meds once and some tylenol here and there since-- but mainly because the rest of my body is irritated given that it has to compensate for broken foot. this takes its toll on hips, back, heel, and neck... like accomplices to Broken Foot Gate...they all do the time!
aside from consuming a few too many drinks, migraines are one of the few instances when i will take something. those things are gnarly. i've been gettng them since i was in 7th grade. they show up less frequently now but man alive...they do to me what a volcanic explosion in iceland does to the aviation industry...grounds me! i'm out to lunch for hours.
fortunately this tumble didn't result in another space boot or any newly broken bones...
fairly certain that would have made my upcoming trip to mexico no bueno.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

polaroid debate


clever although i do think it is debatable.
for all of those of you out there who have fallen in love...
was it polaroid style (instant) or was it more like traditional film that needs to be developed (not so instant)?
please share your story...i'd love to hear it...

Friday, April 16, 2010

wishful and hopeful

"fill up your mind with all it can know
don't forget that your body will let it all go
fill up your mind with all it can know
what would we be without wishful thinking"
what would we be? idle dreamers or guided seekers?
i struggle with being retroactive with my wishful thinking...wishing that
teleportation would rewind me to years ago. where i could heal my hurt before it hurt others. i would become friends with little me and take better care of her
i'd invent words so that my vocabulary would feel fresh and new...
i would have spoken more kindly to myself and nurtured the small seedling dreams
but sometimes the only thing we can do is take an experience and all that we learned from it...and accept that some wishes become void while others evolve into hope
hope is my way of attempting to go forward when I can no longer go backward.
i hope that the hurts i caused have been healed, i hope my inner child can regain her imagination and ability to express it. i hope to accept that i was born with a certain level of intelligence but that i can always- always- always learn; learn things like appreciating that words do not have to be big to be understood.
the wishes that do remain seem more child like...and i love that.
not everything has to grow up...
i wish for sprinklers to run though in the sun
and diamonds to adorn the sky as the moon follows me home
travels and true love and self love and playing ring around the rosy with my nieces and nephews.a new career arriving in the mail and tickets for a trip around the world
my grandma brent told me not to wish my life away...i agree. solely wishing seems empty.
but wishful 'believing' seems like an optimal combo
our dreams are birds that only take flight when we believe...
i've lived like this for far too long-semi flightless...i have wished for things big and small; these wishes look like paintings that are displayed in the museum of my mind. and though all are appreciated and valued, there are some that evoke raw emotion from within.
i consider this emotional response to be a moment of yes.
but with the quickness of a sneaker wave, fear and doubt can corner me into a state of disbelief
but if it felt that good, why wouldn't i believe that it would actually BE that good?
our emotions are our indicators. they are natural, inherent, and gifts...even when they feel bad...they tell us something
many times i've wished to become numb...wanting the pain or heartache or anger to go away...looking back, that would be like sticking me in the middle of a giant forest with no compass, map, or anything resembling survival...of course, i would never wish for that
so perhaps today i will start wishing to believe in my emotions and respect why they are here...and how they can guide me...learn to respect that pain doesn't always have to feel bad...just as happiness can't always rid you of sorrow...
let yourself feel…and heed those moments of yes. Yes. Yes.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

corporate snow globe

sitting 
in my cubicle 
beneath dim light
spring is here
but it feels like night
general ledger talk and collection calls
tension has grown between the walls
smiles are strained and patience requires a pill 
at work in a corporate snow globe, all is calm and still 
until the hands of an acquisition
play roulette with your position 
shaking and disrupting the contents inside

a company being split. you can feel the divide

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Jamie (Olive)R)evolution

click here to see what i'm thankful for!

yes, it's a reality tv show.
homes are not built in 7 days.
people are not stranded on an island building alliances.
there is no biggest loser
you don't get to dance with the stars....
this is the real world...and i don't mean MTV's version.
jamie oliver has my complete support. he's not there to judge, he's there to help guide because while it sounds dramatic...for many people (who are completely and absolutely deserving of feeling healthy and wonderful) it really is a matter of life or death.

Friday, April 9, 2010

super bean

me and the Bean
she has a cape that looks like a bib. check out her stylish fashion. that long sleeve onesie has a motorcycle on it. and the hat? can it get more adorable? clark kent, eat your heart out.
combine all of it...plus those blue blue eyes and you have Super Bean. her specialty: delivering sunshine to rainy and cloudy days. she causes your heart to expand with warmth and promise and awe...even if that heart is aching, angry, or hurt.
like the bob marley song stir it up, little darlin', that's what she does...she stirs up emotion on days i've felt numb. when she giggles or does her silly jumping dances my mood changes color. i feel a rainbow of laughter in my belly and tears of happiness roll down my face.the stress of life diffuses- i am reminded of what it is like to be innocent and not care what others think. just bounce and giggle, roll, and drool. that sounds so much healthier!
this photo was taken the morning after the wedding dance. my foot was swollen and sore and my toes looked like sausages...can you tell? i can't.  that smile could not be more genuine and it is because of her.i've always been one to avoid having my picture taken...and heaven forbid i post one...but this one reminds me of what matters most in my life. who matters most. it's been a long week...and though i'd rather be with Bean in person...this photo is the next best thing. it feels a bit like medicine to my soul. medicine i'm very much in need of.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

cadbury doesn't have anything on reese's peanut butter eggs

as i've mentioned, BFG (Broken Foot Gate) has really started to hit me. i've done no cardio since march 5th and the last time i played soccer was march 4th. my goal intially was to eat SUPER clean. the less junk i put in the landfill, the better i feel. the less processed garbage i put in my mouth, the better i feel...but something happens psychologically when injury strikes. at first, my eyes stay focused on the goal, trying not to miss a beat. but each day brings new challenges. driving, walking up your stairs, showering, getting dressed, the gym....and then out of nowhere, even eating right becomes a challenge.
eating healthy is something i'm pretty passionate about and have been for a long time. granted my version of what that means has changed over the years but all in all i strongly believe food is our 'fuel'--and i'd like to think that i deserve premium octane-the super duper kind. (i think we all deserve it)
but don't be fooled... (or should i say, don't fool yourself emilee)...i'm guilty of indulging in some not so healthy treats from time to time. could be because i had too much to drink or was on a road trip--when i eat just to stay awake. for some reason organic fruits and veggies don't have that "pick me up" like a good ol' bag of Doritos. (ha ha)
or maybe it's because my foot is broken?
this year i purchased some easter candy to give to my family, but given the nature of my foot, i ended up staying in town....which meant the basket of temptation did too. there were a few items that i could definitely live without; fortunately those were adopted by friends. but for some reason (i was holding them hostage) 2 of these little guys managed to stick around. to torture me.
and yes, i'm about to blame something on my broken foot. it sounds mean because it can't defend itself but my foot conned me into believing that i should eat them. see, it apparently loves peanut butter and chocolate.no! it doesn't matter that i happen to like love the same combo. especially the peanut butter. my foot knows that i usually RUN away from junk food. such a selfish foot to ill advise me...i wouldn't be able to resist, especially if i had 'support'-plus it knew i wouldn't feel good afterward.
yes, we've always been 'close' but i thought this little break might make us stronger. but maybe it has made us more co-dependent? what makes co-dependent relationships so bad? because aside from blaming one another they encourage each other!!!
"emilee, how realistic is it that you would have ever slowed down enough to savor the treat if your foot wasn't broken?" and "do you really want to waste that hard earned money? don't you think you should eat what you paid for?"
throw some wine in there....(BFG has turned me into a rebel) 
wine after work, peanut butter eggs in bed.
perhaps BF (best friend Broken Foot)was wrong right; i haven't had a peanut butter egg or cup in ages. (justification) so i grabbed one and opened the yellow package. the smell could have been enough--on a normal day. but the circumstances were by no means, normal!
s l o w l y, i 'cracked' the egg into a piece. the perfect piece of course.
and without a second thought, i ate it.
wow! delicious!
my plan was to eat half and return back tomorrow for the 2nd half.
yeah right!!! the only thing i can be proud of is that i waited an entire 24 hrs to eat the 2nd one.
and yes, it was a sad moment to know there were no more. why couldn't they be Reese's Peanut Butter Gremlins? where all i would have to do is throw them in water and more would appear?
wishful thinking...
wait, that was BF talking.... (should have had a muzzle put on instead of this cast!)
what i meant to say was...i'm glad easter only happens once a year. i'm even more hopeful that a broken foot only happens once in a lifetime...my pants are starting to feel a bit snug!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

'broken foot gate'

Broken Foot Gate is starting to get to me.
initially i was in a fog of denial. i continued doing workouts using upper body and my core. this was not going to be a set back for me. i'd come too far to have to 'start over'
so i went about my "normal" routine...well, sort of. now pull ups involved the extra weight of the cast and timing anything seemed as pointless as trying to train a turtle how to sprint. my goal was just to move my body...broken pieces and all.
how ignorant was it to think that my foot wouldn't sweat if i wasn't really 'using' it? Mucho! i remember busting out in laughter one day while working out...because it felt like my cast had peed itself. nope, just sweat!
gross thought, right? but sort of funny too.
as the denial wore off...excuses set in...like the fact that a couple of weeks after it happened, i had a house sitting gig on the other side of town. this wouldn't have been a problem except that driving with a cast is like driving with a brick for a foot. wait, i mean, it's like driving with a brick around your foot...so it's not AS unsafe...ha ha! (so if you see a white camry...you might want to get out of the way!)
needless to say, i didn't drive to the gym.
next on the"excuses to not work out" list: work and work related stress. last week consisted of long hours and a lot of uncertainty. uncertainty that felt like an elephant sitting on my chest. too hard to workout with an elephant on my chest...
last monday we found out how the company would be split. now it's just a different type of stress. there is limited time to absorb all that needs to be learned. and limited patience to tolerate certain co-workers.
all my life i've used exercise as a release. (i REALLY miss my release)
some people go shopping, i like to run and lift and push myself as hard as i can.
granted, even when my foot isn't broken i still struggle with and stress out about not feeling like i'm good enough...
should and could be better, right?
but my body feels taxed after a good workout...and while some people frown upon taxes, i'm more than happy to pay for this feeling.
we have this one lifetime; my recent yogi tea tag read "the body is a temple. take care of it" it's a blessing to have an abled body. one i often take for granted.
we are willing to take care of our cars, our houses, the ones we love...yet it seems really hard to give ourselves that same treatment. we deserve to feel good. not to mention it makes life a heck of a lot easier. during my injuries the dr's have always told me that i'm fortunate to be as healthy as i am...because it will heal faster.
that makes me remember why i can't get down about this...that i still need to find ways to choose health over self destruction.
it's been nearly 2 weeks since i last stepped my broken foot in the gym-and i'm tired of making excuses...
admittedly, i am almost nervous to. it feels like i've let myself go and don't want people to think...wow, what happened to emilee? this may sound silly or egotistical...but what i mean is: i feel like i'm letting people down. like i should be a better role model. to show others that you can still be active even with an injury. take the lemons and make some lemonade.
it is the trying times that cause us to tap deeper into our hearts. speaking of heart, the owner of my gym has a huge one...he had a cast on his left wrist for an entire year (i can't imagine) but it didn't stop him from pursing his dream of quitting his job so he could own and run a gym; he felt frustrated and annoyed but he turned that into fuel. he turned his supposed set back into a learning experience.
my lesson in all this is...it's time to cancel the reservation to my pity party and start focusing on planning my healing celebration. 

Monday, April 5, 2010

happy belated easter

i didn't do an easter egg hunt, instead i hunted for easter images...here are a few of the gems that i liked.
love love love the designs and colors!

i would love to go here some day...maybe celebrate Easter on Easter Island?
this reminds me of something my brothers would do!
ok, this still makes me laugh even though i've seen it 100 times!
love the vintage feel of this print


he makes me laugh too! rabbit, ribbit...whatever!


Sunday, April 4, 2010

dear stranger, thank you

the other day, deciding that less was more i grabbed only my debit card and the checks i needed to deposit. there wasn’t a line so i just stepped right up and inserted my card. the screen prompted me to push some buttons, seal the envelope, and feed it to the hungry machine. a receipt was burped out for me documenting my deposit. i grabbed said receipt and hobbled back to my car like an ATM using penguin. imagine!
the small parking lot was swarming with activity. checking all mirrors i slowly backed out and navigated my way towards the exit.
my attention quickly turned from parking lot chaos to the weather. the wind was blowing and the rain had started up again. nothing like a spring day to confuse the hell out of you!
it was still raining when my friend and i met up for lunch the next day. after food and great conversation it was time to go back to work. approaching the register, i reached for my debit card. it wasn't in the little slot it normally lives in so i rummaged thru the rest of my purse. nothing. reaching into my coat pocket i found the receipt from my transaction the night before but no card.
oh no!
i try very hard to stay calm when it feels natural to panic. there was no pretending to be ignorant at this point. i've had my wallet stolen before. images of my bank account being cleaned out with dust pans and vacuums…(kidding!) crossed my mind.
luckily my credit card was in my purse otherwise i would have had to wash dishes or bus tables to cover lunch.
back at work i immediately called the bank to see if the machine had swallowed my card. the employee said she would check the vault. that's when i was reminded of a scene from finding nemo...when dorey and nemo were in the belly of the giant whale...that's how i envisioned my card--inside the giant belly of a vault. anyway...
my phone rang shortly after....crossing my fingers, i answered. it was the employee.
no luck.
another bout of panic. looking at my computer screen, it was obvious that i wouldn't be able to focus on work as long as my card was missing in action.
perhaps it was in my car?? nope.
ok, armpits were now sweating.i needed to go home and check my work pants. maybe it was in my pocket?
that's when i heard my phone ring-again!...it was the same employee who had just called.
"emilee, it's so and so calling from so and so bank...(big gulp by me) the guy who used the machine after you-- found your card and took it so that no one else would and just dropped it off"
......pause.....
"hello?" she said.
my mouth was open but words weren't coming out. it wasn't until that moment that i vaguely remembered seeing the guy who pulled up after me. there was no way i could id him in a line-up; thankfully i wouldn't have to...but what if i ran into him on the street? i'd like to be able to recognize him enough to thank him..."yes, yes..oh my gosh thank you soo much"
"PLEASE tell him THANK YOU" i exclaimed.
she said she would do so. she also told me that i could come down and get my card although they highly recommended me canceling it just to be safe. (obviously this sounded like a good idea but it was hard to imagine that i still needed to take extra precautions given he had just returned my card! but it's better to be safe than sorry...right?)
while i realize that this guy is probably not going to stumble across my blog...i wanted to thank him anyway, and equally as important, thank anyone who has ever done something like this. much of what we hear about in the media is negative...which is sad given all the good that people do. good like this guy did.

dear stranger, thank you from the bottom of my heart!!!!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

butler won!

my vote is for the bulldogs

one of my dearest friends lives in michigan and i've been to michigan state's campus(very nice) but i must confess-- butler had my vote today. they caught my attention early on in the tournament.
they caught most people's attention...especially when they kept winning.
their coach, brad stevens, is 33 years old. he is well spoken and his athletes really seem to respect him. and vice versa.
this dynamic can make an average team better than the supposed best...in my opinion. a teacher of mine in high school once did a chemistry lesson using a pick up basketball game analogy. he said you can have every element you need but if you don't have teamwork, you have nothing. no reaction. no 'chemistry'
yes, this is a simplified explanation but watch some of these underdog teams. there is a reason they inspire us. there is a reason they beat #1 teams. it's because they utilize all parts. each individual gives equal heart. and they never give up.
given his young age, it seemed probable that Stevens would lose his cool under stressful moments, like the other team having possession of the ball, only being up by one with seconds left. 
but he was cool like a cucumber (can't say the same for tom izo...gotta love his passion though!)
after a 2 point victory, the bulldogs are headed to the national championship--to become national champions! (i hope)GO BUTLER

Thursday, April 1, 2010

did you know...

that i helped carry the torch during the 2002 Winter Olympics in Salt Lake?
here is proof...yes, that's me sporting a cheese ball smile and poor running form--in fact, it sort of looks like i'm either tripping or getting my irish jig on. the hardest part was fighting off the paparzzi...

APRIL FOOLS!

actually...here is proof that i stood in front of a "picture taking station" while at the Olympic Park visitor center.
i was trying SUPER hard not to laugh. we had a lot of fun being pseudo torch carrying rock stars!