Tuesday, July 26, 2011

fuel gauge

emilee's ability to handle life gauge-image found on web

i'm not sure if what i've been feeling lately is just a standard growing pain of life, but i'm tired and don't feel like saying or doing much. back in college, i used to deal with anxiety attacks...having never had them, i didn't know what the hell was going on when the room started to close in on me. i remember one time it was soo bad i had to crawl out of my room just to get air, even though there was plenty of air around me--it sure didn't feel that way. unfortunately, the anxiety is back. while i get that most would say do not dwell on this...stop complaining...i am only writing this post b/c i think it's cathartic to get it off your chest. to be real and open and then move on. 
most people who know me know that i struggle with feeling like people don't get me. i'm feisty--it is perceived as sass. i'm passionate, it is viewed as intense...it just gets frustrating. 
my intentions are always good. planning the 5k Love comes directly from the deepest depths of my heart. i am not getting paid to plan it. that's not why i do it...but my heart is sensitive right now i'm very emotional. trying to move all of my stuff from portland to eugene, working my full time job, subbing and coaching at the gym, and plan the event. it's the perfect storm. 
not to mention, i am VERY bad at making a place home like. don't get me wrong, i like design and think it's really fun but i don't know how to put it all together. how do i get rid of all the clutter and just live simply? i don't have a ton of stuff...but i have a ton of little crap. i've been throwing things into the recycling, goodwill, or garbage bins like crazy but it's not enough. right now i would love to come home to a HOME...i think it adds to my anxiety when i have stuff everywhere and am trying to stay calm and collected as i go into the final week before the big event. 
online registration hasn't gone as anticipated. i thought more people would be signing up...but alas, i just have to let it go. it will all happen...my biggest hope is that it will be fun for all who participate. 
anyway, i am fighting off tears and a strong desire to stand up and say..."i can't do this" but won't because deep down i know i'm a survivor. i know this too shall pass and things will get moved and the people will show up and the run will be a success...and i WILL eventually believe that i'm not a total failure for not having my life together... someday...i really hope so...

Monday, July 18, 2011

Emergen-C offers a big fizzy yes!

A big fizzy thank you to Emergen-C who has offered to donate their product to all 5&10k Love participants and volunteers. This is really awesome!!

A little note from Emergen-C: you’ll have us cheering if you submit your story and a photo of your big event including the Emergen-C packets you receive. Your participants may be featured on... the Emergen-C website, on Facebook, Twitter, and in press releases.

Now that you have all the info, high fives to you and your team! We are looking forward to being part of the fun!

Your friends at Emergen-C

How exciting is that? I am just stoked to offer some product that people will actually use (hopefully) soo many events give you bags of garbage and it bugs me to pieces! i am soo appreciative that many companies are offering to donate. next year i am aiming for some true sponsorship!

Saturday, July 16, 2011

first impressions

top of the rock/new york city/jan 2011

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. 
Maya Angelou 

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Lochmead Dairy

Holy cow! A big THANK YOU to Lochmead Dairy who has been gracious enough to donate their delicious chocolate milk for participants and volunteers of this year's 5&10k Love. It could very easily be the tastiest post-run beverage--ever!!

Friday, July 8, 2011

lopez island

image found on web

image found on web

i am really excited! my sister, brother-in-law, and two nieces arrived in portland today. we hung out this evening. tomorrow after a trip to slappy cakes, we will be heading north to meet up with my other two brothers and their families. then, it's off to lopez island for a few days. i've been super stressed out lately so i'm hoping that this is a relaxing trip filled with a lot of running, sleeping, laughing, eating, and enjoying the siblings and nieces/nephews/ in laws that i am blessed to have in my life. 

justin's nut butter

I ♥ almond butter--A LOT and am beyond excited to announce that Justin's Nut Butter has offered to donate their delicious product for this year's 5k Love!!! they have amazing stuff-check them out @http://www.justinsnutbutter.co​m/

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

i wish...

image found @ www.postsecret.com

i found saw this postsecret listed today and i couldn't have said it better. it's really- REALLY starting to annoy me that my depression won't seem to leave me alone. i have a great life and feel like i've been blessed with many wonderful people to share it with. too bad i end up feeling like an outcast that is completely misunderstood. lately, i feel like i everything i say comes out backwards and leaves me sounding unintelligent. major sad face. of all the things i fear, being considered "dumb" is probably the one that freaks me out the most. i love this picture because it seems to represent how i should feel...carefree and running into a fountain, having fun. instead i do things with great intentions to be carefree, but guess who always shows up? my depression. add in being fairly empathic and the two just send me spinning in my brain and it's very uncomfortable. 
anyway, i used to want to kick my depression's a$$, but that wouldn't solve the problem...in fact, i think it would make me feel worse. i just want to make peace with it and then kindly escort it to the curb. 

Friday, July 1, 2011

wells far*t*o

some of you maybe noticed the title of this blog post and thought--gross but i was just checking my bank account, telling myself that someday i am going to have soo much money in the bank, i won't even know what to do with it...
but given that i just had to pay, first and last month's rent with a cat deposit, i was actually saying that money stress stinks...it clearly stinks because i typed www.wellsFARTo.com instead of wellsfarGo.com ha ha!

this of course caused me to bust into laughter. given how i've been feeling lately, laughter was exactly what i needed....and i just had to share!