Sunday, October 31, 2010

emotional migration

emotional
migration

i took these photos at an avett brothers concert... i can't help but look at them and feel like they are symbolic to where i am at in life...or rather, where i am migrating to. i've struggled for most of my life with certain issues and am ready, albeit, scared as hell...to let them go...it's what i've known for so long...
but truth be told, i'm tired of putting forth more energy into others than i am willing to put into myself. it feels selfish but it's what needs to be done...
so that when i fly back...i am healthier...still not perfect, but at least whole: heart, body, mind, and soul.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

page 2=sit under a tree full of blossoms

nikki mcclure



Sit only under a tree

that is full of blossoms.

Rumi


while i do believe that sitting under any tree is enjoyable; i would say one full of blossoms is simply magical. like something out of a fragrant fairytale. a safe escape. a place where you can just....breathe.

Friday, October 29, 2010

little bo-bean has lost her sheep....



verbaaaa-na

my niece verbena is ready for halloween!!!
how adorable?!?!?!


Wednesday, October 27, 2010

St Helens-flashback #1

oh how i crave balance


overlooking history

the final trek that will make you want to talk like a sailor

lines

Monday, October 25, 2010

say yes to the dress?

could i pull this dress off?
project me has started but as most who know me would expect, it's sort of all over the place.
with any project or goal, the vision comes first. when planning the 5k, i saw it long before it happened. i knew how i wanted it to feel. wafflepalooza has been the same way...i've been talking about it since march.not just in a vague, oh yeah, "there will be waffles" sort of way...i can see how the table will look and how i hope people will be smiling as i scan the room--it is going to be fun.

yes, i am either a shot of tequila or a fine wine that has aged over time. extremes. one minute i am indecisive and can't seem to purchase an item that is on my list, even when it is staring directly at me in the store. other times, i see something and think-yes, i must have that...and no, it is not on the list.
as i started project me, i figured at least one element should be over coming fears. fashion is a big fear of mine. i don't worry about my taste--even though the pair from "what not to wear called me" i just told them they must have the wrong number ha ha! what i fear most is actually dressing the part.
for some reason, my vision of WP involves a dress--and not just any dress. nope. the dress i envision has a vintage/western feel. something that would look cute with a dressier shoe or some nice cowboy boots.
during one of my online window shopping sprees, i stumbled across this number.
and have been looking at it ever since. the thing about only being able to look at it through a cyber window is my inability to step inside the store, try it on to see if it...sings to me.
so....i am torn. do i buy it knowing that i can return it or do i try to find something local and not bother with all of the extra transactions and shipping and...? more than likely i could spin myself dizzy with questions, which has been my MO for many years now...fortunately project me is here to help change some of my ways...which in this case means i just need to start "trying things on"

Sunday, October 24, 2010

subtle magnetism



image found on web
 I believe that there is a subtle magnetism in Nature, which, if we unconsciously yield to it, will direct us aright.  ~Henry David Thoreau

Saturday, October 23, 2010

slappy cakes

slappy cakes = yummy in my tummy


if you are looking for a fun place to eat in portland, go and check out slappy cakes
each booth has it's own griddle so you can make pancakes at your table.
there are 3 or so batter options, one of which is gluten free. it seemed pretty pricey considering the container wasn't very big but we were able to make 4 (mine was pretty small)
the fun part was picking out the toppings. we chose blueberries, butterscotch chips, and walnuts. we also requested butter that tasted like heaven. i loved the syrup choices. there was a standard maple and one that resembled the flavor of sweet and sour which helped offset the SUPER sweet butterscotch. my preference is peanut butter chips....but since i have NO self control when it comes to them, i 'just say no'
to wash this all down i ordered a standard mimosa. my friend ordered a pomegranate one, which didn't look good but hey, i wasn't drinking it. they were served in a really fun shaped glass. i'm on a mission to find glasses like this (not really, but it would be fun to stumble upon some)
i do like pancakes but until they offer bacon and roasted garlic as toppings, i tend to need a bit of savory flavor. so...i chose the eggs benedict. and for the life of me i cannot remember the name of this item, but i have NOT forgotten about how awesome it tasted. there was a paste of roasted garlic on each muffin and then there was spinach and maybe bacon, plus hollandaise sauce. i'm tellin' ya--you'd be a fool not to get this if you do in fact, go. which you should because you don't want to be a fool....twice!
total bill was about $36, which wasn't bad since i had twin mimosas :)
check it out! it's worth the experience.

monster mash 10k run 10.23.10







this morning i am going to be running the monster mash 10k. this event is in its 4th year but this will be my first. ultimately my goal is to continue to do events so that i:
a) get more experience with event planning
b) push myself harder than i would on a normal training run

the dog i am sitting and i just went for a walk/jog and let me tell you---i felt like a statue trying to move.
i keep putting off taking care of me, but am running out of excuses.
stretching, hydration, training, knee exercises, nutrition...these are all important. 

just as is going confidently in the direction of your dreams....project me updates soon!

wish me luck....

Friday, October 22, 2010

one way ticket


yes please (image found on web)


happy friday!!!! i will be jet setting to this remote land of bliss later this afternoon....ok, not really but if it was true, i'm fairly certain i would be using a one way ticket!

what is everyone up to this weekend?

Thursday, October 21, 2010

page one=breathe


Nikki McClure is one of my favorite artists


it has been one of those weeks...
where i start looking for my personal "owner's manual" for instructions on how to handle the situations, discussions, and emotions i have experienced over the last six days...(and counting)
there is just one problem...we don't come with manuals
so i am going to make my own...
this is page 1

BREATHE


Sunday, October 17, 2010

6 miles+hooded sweatshirt=lesson learned

it has been awhile since i went running. the women's half marathon was over labor day weekend (race review to follow at some point) but my knee was really mad at me after that so i took a break. then my brain was filled with excuses so...it's been awhile. 
every day for the last 2 weeks my intentions were to run at lunch. this would give me at least 30 minutes to crank out a decent run...but that has yet to happen. so yesterday i said...it's time!i've never been a stylish runner. no matching shorts and shirt or socks even. and given the nature of my living arrangement, i'm just lucky when i find any piece to the running puzzle. it was chilly yesterday and i'm kind of a wimp when first starting out so a bulky hooded sweatshirt and some capri athletic pants seemed like a good combo.i had almost forgotten what my new runners looked like

mizunos are great. anyone with a narrow foot, i strongly recommend trying some out. i want to get the 'racing' flats which felt great but figure one pair at a time until i can really commit to running consistently. 
moving on.... as i stepped into the brisk autumn air, i felt good and ready to get some miles in. my focus is usually time. my theory is...if you can train yourself to go hard for a certain amount of time, you can usually go further than you would have if you had just set a distance. ultimately you need to do both...so that you can in fact go the distance, but honestly...i've never followed a specific incremental plan since team in training (which ended up with me being injured) and i find that there are more important forms of training...
yes, you have to get the long runs in but i say hills and interval training are ESSENTIAL. hills make any flat course feel like you are an olympian. intervals make me very irritable while i'm doing them but ultimately they teach me a new threshold. this is a good thing. 
wow, that was a tangent. fortunately it was related. ok, so i start to run. knowing that i should go pretty easy i tried not to focus on my pace because that is immediately discouraging. so, i start out. 
and run for about 7 seconds...
when my earphones fall out. ok. adjust and continue. hmmm, this sweatshirt is awfully bulky. no need to turn around. it's added weight, right? it will make my run even more challenging. ughh, my lungs were already burning. it was important for me to remind myself that i have been battling a cold and being stuffed up doesn't promote breathing easily...especially when your heart rate is elevated. 
perhaps this is an excuse but i was trying to be nice to myself...because i was already irritated. i took a right at prescott and jogged to the school, where i turned left then stopped and stretched. dear goodness i was struggling. and that damn sweatshirt. i continued and cut through the park. and that is where i thought...i'm only a mile in i should turn around and drop the sweatshirt off at the house and then carry on. 
but decided to take it off and see if i could tie it around my waist. that worked...well, it worked like a spare tire does. it did the trick but not a long term fix. 
as i was trying to control my thoughts because they were all over the place i realized that what i was wearing was "comfortable" and comfortable doesn't tell your body to run...it tells your body to curl up on the couch. thinking you are going to run fast wearing this is like telling yourself that you look cute and sexy when you crawl into bed with sweatpants and your beloved t-shirt from high school. granted, i'm not saying it isn't comfortable...and most people ARE more attractive when they feel relaxed and at ease...but let's face the facts, if i want to run with a goal in mind, i need to dress the part. not meaning i have to get all business proper when i run and match and sport the latest and greatest moisture wicking gear but i do need to dress myself so that i'm not bothered by my wardrobe. it is an unnecessary distraction. 
eventually i was able to make peace with the giant wad of fabric dangling from my waist and the ipod pinching my finger...i had planned on doing 3 but per the usual...that didn't seem like enough. i figured i would go no longer than an hour...i told myself to walk some...but i didn't for more than a few seconds at a time. i just feel like a failure when i can't keep going, even though i know my knees are really depending on me to be diligent in caring for them. my whole body is. so i tried to go until my knee started to hurt...and i would then walk and start back up. my pace was slow. 10 minute miles but there had been a little walking which helped me explain this to my ego. i've never been a fast runner, so i'm not sure what i was expecting.
dear emilee, just chill out already.
6.01 miles
1 hr 38 seconds
509 calories burned

i need to commit to stretching and rolling out my legs. this will pay off in th end, i have no doubt. 
my hips are awfully sore and tight today which is to be expected. tomorrow i will run again and i will just keep building. my goal is big and i only have until 12.12.10.

Friday, October 15, 2010

Flaming Lips

man in a bubble

confetti gun fun

love this color combo

giant hands with laser beams

yes, he was riding on a bear


just a quick review: the flaming lips themselves were a 9.7 out of 10. i deducted a small amount simply because the vocals often seemed tired and strained...but hey, they have been around a long time and the lead singer was clearly on something. the opener was awful. i really don't like to say that about bands, but ariel pink is NOT my style. at least not live. we watched from a screen in the bar because it was that uninteresting. their music sounded like it belonged in a pair of stone washed jeans. yuck. 
but the lips have some mad props and whenever someone gets into a giant ball and surfs the crowd, uses a confetti gun, rides a bear, or puts on GIANT gloves and high fives the crowd with green laser beams...i am awe struck. 
on a funny and not so funny note, a guy came up to me and asked me if my neck was laced with acid because he wanted to lick it. 
i was speechless--not a good kind of speechless--and quickly gestured for him to get away from me. 
this is why in new zealand they have stickers that say "hugs-not drugs"





Thursday, October 14, 2010

fuzz butts on board

a week or so ago i was driving to get my daily coffee...which i'm trying to give up...when i noticed the license plate cover of the car head of me...it said "fuzz butts on board"
i did a double take. this was a nice mercedes benz. not sure what model, all i knew is that fuzz butts and benz don't usually go together in my head.
and what the heck is a "fuzz butt" anyways?? i was fairly certain i didn't want to know.
but my overly imaginative brain started picturing different fuzz butts...
and i laughed all the way to work.

this morning, in my groggy state, i pulled forward and happened to glance at the license plate in front of me (for those who don't know...i'm obsessed with license plates)
and what do ya know? it was mr fuzz butts on board!!!!
this time i noticed it mentioned something about being a "pomeranian mobile"....
given that i couldn't remember what one looked like...my dear  friend, google, helped remind me....
introducing...FUZZ BUTT!!!!!





Wednesday, October 13, 2010

numb state

confliction.

my desire to move up north was multi faceted. it still is. it seemed like a good starting point for my "future" since eugene has quickly filled up with "the past" and i don't believe you can run away from uncomfortable...as the saying goes....wherever you go...there YOU are.

so the outskirts of p-town wouldn't be a "safe" haven per say but more ideal given that my brother, his wife, and my sweet niece live directly across the street. there is a backyard that i adore and mr brier pants (my adorable cat) could have room to roam--maybe even venture outside!


i'm in pdx a lot!! to see my family and because i love going to shows. there is just more "happening" there. i like that.

my perspective has changed a lot since my first year living there (i’ve changed a lot since then)...

although i do still struggle with feeling like i don't fit in...but honestly, when have i ever felt like i "truly" fit in?


but life isn't about fitting in...or fitting in to your jeans....(well, maybe?!) and it certainly isn't about trying to control every little detail. some of my favorite times were unplanned...

that said, i have made choices. i chose to attempt to start a new chapter up north. what i didn't choose was a promotion and raise during a very busy season. my brother and his family are now likely moving even further north which was not planned...but that's how it goes

and though i need to figure it out...i feel numb right now. this is the first time in a long time where i am trying to focus on me and it's hard. annoying. awkward. feeling indifferent is one of my pet peeves. it seems like i should feel ‘something’

in my numb state i want to play ignorant and say this is working...but that would be untrue...


it's not working. i'm burnt out. maybe when i become rich and famous i can have a house there and a log cabin there, a stylish studio nested in the city…someday. until then i am done sleeping in my car….yeah…more on that later!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

the scope: around and within

You dislike conflict. You seek "win-win" solutions. And with your skill as a negotiator, you adeptly bring peace to the chaotic world around you. You are a warm, insightful and often exciting companion.
 
 
**i'm really looking forward to project me so that eventually my horoscope will read "you bring peace to the chaotic world WITHIN you..."

Monday, October 11, 2010

PROJECT---ME

most people start their "projects" or "goals" at the new year...but i can't wait that long. it has been obvious that i have not focused on me for a very long time and i need to start....now. for some reason i always thought this was selfish--but it's not.
what does this project entail? well, it's going to be a multi-part process...there is the athletic goal side of it. there is also the personal hobbies side of it...and i'm sure there is more, but it's early and the wheels in the brain are not spinning yet.

i need a project because i regress when i don't have one. and although i'd like to think that i could just figure it out aimlessly...why send yourself into a forest with no compass if you know you can't tell direction. just take a darn compass already....it doesn't mean you won't still explore the forest...and heck, you might actually enjoy it more knowing you aren't fearing getting lost the entire time.

what i am trying to say in a very drawn out way is...i need structure and a little bit of guidance. i'm 30. i don't have parents telling me what to do...i do have a boss...and there is law enforcement reminding us not to speed...but no one else is going to do a personal inventory to see what's missing...or what you are getting low on. only you know that...only I know that...
and i've been too afraid to actually look....occupying myself with everything else...but i don't think i can ignore it anymore.
so i will start and hopefully this will hold me accountable. if you don't see me posting....please call me out. i really think this could be good for me (not so sure it will be any fun for the few readers i have-ha ha)
at last, this is a new day...and i'm certain that even when it doesn't feel like it...each one is a gift.

Friday, October 1, 2010

amelia earhart


"emilee earhart" on top of st helens

this picture makes me want to fly a plane...like amelia earhart did...
she had some good quotes:

"...decide...whether or not the goal is worth the risks involved. If it is, stop worrying...."

"The more one does and sees and feels, the more one is able to do, and the more genuine may be one's appreciation of fundamental things like home, and love, and understanding companionship."



"Adventure is worthwhile in itself."


"You haven't seen a tree until you've seen its shadow from the sky"