|image found on web|
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Monday, August 29, 2011
|pic taken on ferry heading to lopez island|
It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see. ~Henry David Thoreau
this quote rocks because i love taking random pictures...some people have asked me "what compels you to take a picture of a fire hose?" the thing is, i didn't see a 'fire hose' -- i saw a composition with different shapes, colors, and patterns. it doesn't have to appeal to anyone else--all that matters is how i feel when i look at it. taking a picture is my way to capture "what i see"
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
|image found on web|
this isn't a picture of my x-ray but when i was able to look at my x ray "that's just not right" was a thought that definitely came to mind--along with other thoughts that i just don't feel can be shared on my blog...mainly because you wouldn't be able to read them anyway...$%&amp;amp;*$(&amp;amp;*&amp;amp;$ $WTF ($#&amp;amp;*%% yeah...hard to decipher for sure ;) to make a long story short--i managed to drop a helium tank on my left foot the monday after the event--shattering my big toe. fortunately, only crutches, antibiotics **it was considered an open fracture since it was bleeding so they don't want me to contract a bone infection, and about 6 weeks and i should be good to go... too bad 6 weeks is about 42 days...and that just seems like a long time...alas...this too shall pass.
the 2nd Annual 5 and 10k Love was a hit...honestly, one of the greatest days of my life. i saw soo many smiles and high fives. amazing people helping...loved ones who came from near and far...not to mention the entire purpose of the event--to honor the life of Caleb Stecker- who at 50 days old left us all far too soon. as i've mentioned, i was never able to meet Caleb personally and though it might sound cliche, it is beyond apparent that this little guy's spirit lives on and continues to impact the lives of others.
that morning i took the mic to address the crowd--even though i don't like my voice over a loud speaker...i attempted to tell people a bit about this event and why it's soo important to me. it took all of 3 seconds for me to get choked up...i know it's normal but every time i tell myself...no crying today--3 seconds later...the tears come marching one by one, hurrah hurrah! especially when i talk about this event.
i fought really hard to maintain composure and after a long pause, was able to tell people that i first heard about Caleb when i started Eugene Crossfit and almost immediately felt compelled to make sure he is never forgotten. not just within our community but across the country as we set out on a mission to help other heart babies. Caleb was born with HLHS, so essentially the pumping chamber of his heart didn't work...but even with just half of a functional heart, i believe he had more heart than most...he was a fighter and impressed every dr. and nurse he came into contact with. he was all heart. and that is what reminds me to keep going when i get down about another broken foot.
it's just a small obstacle, very minimal in comparison. i can get angry at the world and wonder why me? or i can just say--ok, this happened. moving on. i've been able to gain an even further appreciation for my health and well being--even when the scale shows annoying gains and my pants fit different and i stub my toe for the 5th time in a row...
i realize how important being active is to me. it has become more of an anti-depressant--a healthy way to soothe the occasional imbalances and skewed body image...while it doesn't cure those things, it certainly feels more like aloe vera to a sunburn than sand paper to my eyes.
i continually meet families through Make-a-Wish and now the 5k Love and i sense their frustration, wondering why their child has a specific condition or was taken from them. I respect their anger, fatigue, and at times numbness.. and recognize all of those emotions are often extreme pain in disguise.
it's hard to accept not being able to take away someone else's pain...fortunately, just because i can't take away someone's pain, doesn't mean i am completely helpless. my main goal for this event will continue to be: bring a smile to peoples' faces and let them feel k-loved!
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
why is fitting in soo hard for me? tonight we had a big celebration for one of our athletes who finished 7th--out of 50, that originally was a pool of about 12,000 athletes worldwide. pretty freakin' awesome, right? kudos to cheryl brost for a being a genuine rock star!!!
social settings have really started to be a struggle for me...i'm not good at small talk--at all. so i start a mini conversation and then it just fades and i move on to the next. i saw people smiling and having a good time...or at least doing a good job of not showing the world how they really feel. i saw couples being sweet, kids running around, and flirty banter next to the dunk tank...and that's when it hit me...something hard and swift, right in my stomach... i immediately felt like something is wrong with me. not necessarily because people aren't flirting with me but because as much as i feel like i'm a good person, i don't think i'm all that fun to be around. maybe i give off bad vibes---maybe i'm not pretty enough--smart enough--funny enough--i don't know but i left feeling awful. granted, i know i'm super sensitive right now as there is a lot of stress sitting in my chest cavity and more thoughts than i can keep track of flowing through my brain...but i just don't get it. when i say stuff to people, they take it the wrong way...when i get excited and energetic people just stare....
i just want to tell people...i'm sorry--- i don't know how else to be...
"You've done it before and you can do it now. See the positive possibilities. Redirect the substantial energy of your frustration and turn it into positive, effective, unstoppable determination.”
|image found on web.|
p.s. if you can, please send any positive mojo my way---i'm hoping this year is even better than last year :)