Saturday, January 30, 2010

nectar of the sun

sometimes, in the middle of winter, there will be a day that is filled with more sun than rain. this is not a common occurrence; you can tell by the face on the locals.
first there is a squint: as if moles from underground coming up to see what the commotion is about, only to be blinded by a mysterious glowing object in the sky. clouds seem to push and shove, trying to get closer to the rays. i imagine the warmth feels good on their backside as well.

visitors from places like san diego might expect a sunny day while those from the frozen tundra of iowa are accustomed to seeing sunlight, even on a day that registers dangerously low temperatures; so they wonder what the excitement is about.

will there be a parade? circus? an all you can eat buffet? nope...

it's not a bird or a plane, but instead our superhero...the SUN

i don't care to live in a land of eternal sunshine, nor am i willing to endure below freezing temps just to obtain a dose of vitamin d; however, my mood does seem bubblier on days such as these. the energy is more of a colorful buzz than a monochrome blah.
the nectar of the sun infuses our souls with happiness. and it is contagious..heck, even the “View Finder” seemed to be smiling.

never underestimate the power of a smile...or vitamin d.

Friday, January 29, 2010

scope of insight

admittedly i check my horoscope daily. it is not my gospel or compass, but every so often, i have to wonder.
perhaps the Universe is trying to give me that "sign" i always ask for, or kind words of encouragement...either way, call me Cinderella, because this shoe fits!!!

"It may be time for you to go back to school to get another degree in your field, or to begin studying a completely new field. One thing is for sure: you are ready for a change. You likely have not been progressing as quickly as you'd like. It's not due to your lack of ability, but may be because of a poor fit with your job environment. A change of environment would do you good, though a change of careers could be even better for you, Emilee."

Friday, January 22, 2010

200 mile ass

while in seattle this summer i met a guy named Lincoln who wore cowboy boots with his workout pants. we happened to be eating at the same grocery store salad bar and then sat near each other at the two tables in the sun, shaded by umbrellas.

he initiated conversation. asking me many questions. it wasn't awkward or weird; i just had to remember not to talk with my mouth full.
when he asked where i was from i said eugene.
he said, whoah, that's a drive. not too bad i replied. just about 5 hours...if traffic cooperates.
he smiled, put his head down and didn't look back up until his salad was gone.
he then proclaimed "i have a 200 mile ass"

i just stared....

"my ass doesn't like to drive or ride or do anything past 200 miles"

interesting...

i said, "gee, i have never thought about what kind of mileage my ass gets...."

eventually he and his 200 mile tushy left but i think about his remark from time to time...especially at the end of a work week...when i have spent nearly 40 hours...on my ass!

Sunday, January 10, 2010

the end is just the beginning

amidst the excitement of a new year being born i missed the moment 2009 was no longer. while winding down taking its final breaths, eventually fading into the past--i was snacking on food, drinking beer, feeling a buzz and oblivious to the torch being passed...my mind was in the future.

of course it was expected and entirely natural but it still feels odd to type in 2010. like i'm moving on...i feel almost guilty that i didn't hang out with 09 more, especially at the end...but i was busy enjoying the rally for 10. standing under christmas lights surrounded by a blanket of good music and conversation.
don't get me wrong, i was ready to say goodbye; 09 was a partial bust. there were many tears and heartache, confusion, and financial frustration. i went through four bosses and sat at a desk doing a job that makes me feel numb.
but i can't lose sight of the good things of 09. like being introduced to more self improvement, better health, new friends, and my sweet precious niece made her debut in september.

each month seems to have a marketing catch. sometimes january is advertised as the month that we get to start afresh and all the wonder is still glittery and possibilities are endless...i agree.
yet,there is a part of me that struggles with january...because it's new and you know that the novelty will wear off; not to mention year end inventory where you account for people who were there at the start but weren't there at the end...this pulls at my heart strings. whether it be a death or falling out, geographical differences or lifestyle changes; when people are in my life i care entirely...so even if their absence is for the best, it feels nothing short of awful.
the movie reel of the previous year seems to be showing often in january. a chance to reminisce...
it makes me want eat popcorn and watch the highlights. there are cheesy chic flick-ish scenes. volunteering moments that make me optimistic...my week with the Bean--such a wonderful experience. scenes from my 103 mile bike ride make me feel proud and excited. there are love stories that don't make the cut. and there is me...who made it thru it all, still intact--with that little spark inside of me that won't let me give up...no matter what.

the new year brings great potential. the transition is literally seamless, yet i feel like the great wall separates the two. maybe i try to make it a bigger deal than it is?
my being wants to welcome 10 with open arms...yet i feel the need to mourn (for lack of a better word) to be angry (to exaggerate) because i didn't have complete closure with 09. this might be my way of "trying to hang on" to something that needs to be let go...i do this from time to time.
this is not 10's fault...it's just here to do it's job...which is provide me with 365more days to fill with what i choose and more importantly, what i choose to make of it.
for that...
i am tremendously grateful (understatement)

the elasticity of time allows us to expand in hope...and revert back to memories of what came before...
but what holds us up is the now...
the potential in this moment is greater than anything else.

good night 2009; good morning 2010