Friday, August 27, 2010

a year ago...



these pictures were taken about a year ago...it makes me feel a bit frustrated to look at them. to most people it probably doesn't look like much. i've certainly never been some elite athlete with a chiseled body...i've never been a body builder...
but a few days before one of these pictures was taken i set a personal record on my deadlift ---205 lbs!!!
the shot in the blue tank top was the first time i ever did fran rx'd. i cried.
the green tank picture was the first time i did karen rx'd. i cried then as well. and per the usual, i never realized how strong i felt then. how healthy and balanced i was...i was definitely much more strict about my diet and was consistently going to the gym. hindsight is always 20/20.
though i refuse to throw myself some sad and purposeless pity party...i must admit...i'm a little angry at myself. i know what i need to do, which includes not breaking my foot again....
but i need to get my head out of you know where and start building back up. start to implement a gluten free lifestyle and commit to feeling GOOD!
i have a half marathon to run in a few days (more or less) and i haven't been running at all. i admit. i'm not always good at change. running in a new neighborhood is weird. the roads are flat and i miss my hills. but there are no good excuses. if i know what i want then i should get up every day and go after it.
i saw a book the other night called "life doesn't start five pounds from now" and it seemed fitting.
life doesn't just happen when you feel good...sometimes you feel like crap...that's when you have to do some work to get back to that place...
i know it's possible...i've been there before. and i need to set my sights on the summit :)
speaking of...i still need to post about the 5K Love and my St Helens hike!

Happy Friday!!! 

Friday, August 20, 2010

dragons and princesses

"perhaps all the dragons of our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us-once beautiful and brave.
perhaps everything terrible is in its deepest being something helpless that wants help from us"

Rainer Maria Rilke


i've been feeling my dragons lately...BIG TIME! sometimes my dragons breathe fire as i drive up and down i-5 and other times, my own tears put out the flames.
the last few nights my chest has been the only thing stopping my heart from jumping ship. one of my dragons gets super anxious when things are new and different. body image issues rear their heads from the dark caves that have kept them at bay for some time now...another dragon doesn't do well when it doesn't know where things stand. confusion and mixed signals send this creature into upheaval
and i will admit-- i don't know what to do. 
i want to be beautiful and brave and swear sometimes, with all of my heart, that i am. sometimes the reflection looking back at me is one of the most powerful things i've ever known and then...a break up. a co-worker's words. a friend's email. the clerk at a store. or receptionist's look at a dr's office.
even those things that seem ever so subtle trigger me and i become insecure and my confidence vanishes...without a trace style. 
i truly have been trying to help this helpless something or other. the biggest difficulty lies in trying to be a 30 year old, wise, confident, secure, and authentic woman who still has a little girl inside of her that hurts. and though most will say "don't live in the past" i say...what happens when the past lives "inside" of you. 
perhaps someday i will get to have a princess party where everyone is dressed up like dragons. or maybe our dragons can dress up like princesses. either way, it's safe to say that while a dragon may be like a princess or vice versa, i don't think either has it easier...
but i do think that we all deserve to see ourselves as beautiful and brave. 
and not just see it...but actually believe it. 

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

smith rock sunrise summer half marathon race review

7.10.10
given that i've always wanted to go to smith rock you can just imagine how excited i was for the event. we were encouraged to be there by 5:45 since the run started at 6:15...yes, in the morning. we went the wrong way on our way out of town so we had to turn around. normally this would have been anxiety inducing, but given that we were able to turn around and drive directly into the sunrise-one of the most electrifying displays of fuchsia, orange, purple, and bits of yellow and blue...all in a powder like formation--i was grateful for the logistic mishap. absolutely stunning !!
there wasn't a lot of event signage but it helps that smith rock is the reason most people are in that area. the night before when we picked up our packets, they showed us a map. we were looking for parking lot 2. we found it and parked. it was nice that there weren't a ton of people. we were able to get into the honey buckets (very much a pre race tradition for me) only having to wait for a brief minute or two.
some guy who was 85 and had just set a record for the fastest half marathon for that age group sang the national anthem. oh by the way, his half is still faster than mine. by a lot.

during the anthem i always get pumped up. not sure if it a patriotic surge of adrenaline or what but the tears well up and i start to shake my legs and bounce around. you would think i was at a cypress hill concert jumpin’ around like that…
though my nerves started to act up, i was ready to do my best. the only game plan i had was to finish. i tried to be nice to myself since this was the longest trek my foot had been on since the break…i was running into the unknown.
kelsi, my friend and fellow crossfitter ran the event with me. we hadn't trained together so we both said that we would partner up but if one or the other wanted to go ahead ---they would.

we both were listening to music and had agreed that we wouldn’t talk much. it worked out well. we even managed to learn sign language…well, running partner sign language. if i wanted to use the water station, i would tap her on the shoulder and act like i was taking a drink out of a cup. if her knee was bugging her she would tap me on the shoulder and point at her knee. when we started out i kept thinking, holy crap why did i sign up...but we maintained a nice pace. and i kept breathing.
and my calves didn't punk out the entire run. a freakin’ Christmas day miracle!! more on that later.

the course was nice although i can't say it was flat as they promoted. nothing major just those long extended rolling hills. as far as aesthetics go...this course was so serene!! horses would run up to the fence and gallop next to us. cows grazed and chomped their grass. snow peaked mountains saluted us...irrigation sprinklers baptized the land. the sun was not bashful at all and by the halfway point I was sweating good and plenty.

the 12th mile marker came and i knew i would survive. it was such a good feeling! the photographer was at 2 spots and we decided to act like the goofballs we are at the last one...a big "thumbs up” and cheesy smiles... i will share the photo later.
as we ran to the finish both of our knees were killing us but when we looked to our left we could see smith rock and i'm telling you what, it was one of the best backdrops to any finish line i’ve ever crossed. we finished in 2:04...i was really happy with this given i hadn't trained at all.
and the best part is…we got medals! i was stoked and exclaimed! “i get a medal” the guy who handed it to me just started laughing. i said, hey…the medal is the only reason i run these things. ha ha! and while that’s not completely true, i do like having something in my hand to remind me that yes, i did just run 26.2 miles or 13.1 or... and though none of them say 1st place it is a symbol that i finished-- and even when i know i could do better…sometimes it simply is enough.


i can’t wait to run this event next year. i highly recommend it.

Monday, August 16, 2010

just a week and a couple of days...with so much to say

wow.  it has been just a week...and a couple of days since the event took place.
i have so much to say and have been trying to make sure to process each emotion as there have been plenty. while i knew what an event "looks" like, i now know more about what it "takes" and though i have heard about the "mixed" feelings that people get after big events like weddings and babies...i never knew what that would "feel" like.
i am excited to share the amazing experience...both on a personal level as well as a community level


much more to come...

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

patience and compassion

i figured it was time for me to look up some good quotes on patience and compassion... i've been ridden with a nasty stomach bug and it has cemented me to the couch. i'm feeling a little less awful, so all of the better feeling mojo you have been sending must be working...thank you. 

today i received a call from an employee of the city. this person needs the run route info from me. i had intended on  personally delivering the info yesterday so we could go over any questions or concerns, but felt a little too woozy...not to mention i didn't think they would enjoy me bringing my cooties around their office.

anyway, this person has really tested my patience. they have been less than polite throughout the whole process and although i have tried really hard to practice being patient and understanding since i have no idea what is going on in anyone else's life...but today it took every ounce of self control to not just say it as i felt.

like, where the hell is the attitude coming from

they have been on vacation and i have waited patiently. this is the first event i have EVER organized and i'm not asking anyone to hold my hand, but some compassion would be greatly appreciated. this is her job. this is what she does every day. she is a wealth of knowledge and could easily enlighten me sans attitude and i would learn a heck of a lot more than when someone questions my intelligence and treats me like i'm not a person of my word.

of course, i'm feeling a bit sensitive and overwhelmed and under the weather...but it would be nice if we could have a win win situation. i respect her, she respects me. simple strategy you can apply to almost anything.

i'm not going to let the frustration win. that would be easy right...and TOTALLY counter productive. i just tried faxing a makeshift event map and hope it will help provide her with the info she needs. on a "better feeling" note,  a lovely woman from my gym who is already donating tables for us to use...donated 200 Kookies for the event. it brought tears to my eyes! there will be a post in the near future about some of these amazing people and companies.

and to the person who i am struggling with...i genuinely appreciate your help and hope you have a great day! 


here are some quotes to keep me going...


“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the question"Rainer Maria Rilke


"Faith is not simply a patience that passively suffers until the storm is past. Rather, it is a spirit that bears things-with resignations, yes, but above all, with blazing, serene hope." Corazon Aquino

Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness.  ~Seneca

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.  ~Plato

Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.  ~Leo Buscaglia

Make it a practice to judge persons and things in the most favorable light at all times and under all circumstances.  ~Saint Vincent de Paul

Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something and has lost something.  ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

5k Love t-shirt design



i wanted to show everyone the t shirt design for this year's first annual 5K Love run/walk. honestly, i couldn't be more happy with how they turned out and am super excited to get them from the screen printer this thursday. chris @ graphik imagination helped bring my vision to life...and i must say he did a great job considering he is based in idaho while i'm in oregon. if any of you would like to buy a t shirt, let me know. they will be $10.

Monday, August 2, 2010

just say boo to the flu

who gets the stomach flu 5 days before the event she is planning? apparently i do. my immune system is normally made of steel, but with everything that has been going on... i have felt it being compromised for some time. well, lo and behold, i was at a birthday party for my friend's little girl. her first and it was a luau. super fun. unfortunately there was an uninvited guest amongst the group...the stomach bug.
my friend told me that at least 10 other people that were at the party are experiencing the same thing. that is just alarming to me...how fast something can spread.
at any rate, i was certain that i was invincible...until this morning when what i thought were nerves turned into aches and pains and chills. i sat at my desk in disbelief. how is this possible? i don't have time for this. i still have to do the final cleaning at my old place. and i'm supposed to head to my new place tomorrow.
right now there is not a lot of mental clarity happening in this brain of mine...i still need to secure a cupcake donation, call Costco and see if they will provide some gift cards, figure out how to create balloon towers since the balloon place didn't respond to my request. i also have to submit a site map and figure out if we can get access to some power for the sound system.
please know these are not complaints. i whole heartedly signed up for the task...i just feel helpless sort of...it's that "be patient" game that i am terrible at. need i mention broken foot gate?
so if you are reading this...and have any feel better thoughts you can spare, please send them my way. it's my personal request for donations. i appreciate every bit.
alright, i have to go lay down again...my energy timer is about to expire and i'm afraid i won't be able to make it back to the couch if i don't get going...

Sunday, August 1, 2010

5K Love donation information

hey everyone! wow, we are 6 days away. jeremy (caleb's dad) and i ran the course yesterday to decide what crossfit stations we wanted. the crossfit element really makes it exciting.

please check out the right hand side of my blog for the information regarding donating. i realize that many won't be able to make it but wanted to let you know that you can still be a big part of the day. honestly, every dollar makes a difference!

thank you in advance to all of you who have sent prayers and positive thoughts and any donations...
this event is really dear to my heart and i appreciate every ounce of support!

thank you!