amidst the excitement of a new year being born i missed the moment 2009 was no longer. while winding down taking its final breaths, eventually fading into the past--i was snacking on food, drinking beer, feeling a buzz and oblivious to the torch being passed...my mind was in the future.
of course it was expected and entirely natural but it still feels odd to type in 2010. like i'm moving on...i feel almost guilty that i didn't hang out with 09 more, especially at the end...but i was busy enjoying the rally for 10. standing under christmas lights surrounded by a blanket of good music and conversation.
don't get me wrong, i was ready to say goodbye; 09 was a partial bust. there were many tears and heartache, confusion, and financial frustration. i went through four bosses and sat at a desk doing a job that makes me feel numb.
but i can't lose sight of the good things of 09. like being introduced to more self improvement, better health, new friends, and my sweet precious niece made her debut in september.
each month seems to have a marketing catch. sometimes january is advertised as the month that we get to start afresh and all the wonder is still glittery and possibilities are endless...i agree.
yet,there is a part of me that struggles with january...because it's new and you know that the novelty will wear off; not to mention year end inventory where you account for people who were there at the start but weren't there at the end...this pulls at my heart strings. whether it be a death or falling out, geographical differences or lifestyle changes; when people are in my life i care entirely...so even if their absence is for the best, it feels nothing short of awful.
the movie reel of the previous year seems to be showing often in january. a chance to reminisce...
it makes me want eat popcorn and watch the highlights. there are cheesy chic flick-ish scenes. volunteering moments that make me optimistic...my week with the Bean--such a wonderful experience. scenes from my 103 mile bike ride make me feel proud and excited. there are love stories that don't make the cut. and there is me...who made it thru it all, still intact--with that little spark inside of me that won't let me give up...no matter what.
the new year brings great potential. the transition is literally seamless, yet i feel like the great wall separates the two. maybe i try to make it a bigger deal than it is?
my being wants to welcome 10 with open arms...yet i feel the need to mourn (for lack of a better word) to be angry (to exaggerate) because i didn't have complete closure with 09. this might be my way of "trying to hang on" to something that needs to be let go...i do this from time to time.
this is not 10's fault...it's just here to do it's job...which is provide me with 365more days to fill with what i choose and more importantly, what i choose to make of it.
for that...
i am tremendously grateful (understatement)
the elasticity of time allows us to expand in hope...and revert back to memories of what came before...
but what holds us up is the now...
the potential in this moment is greater than anything else.
good night 2009; good morning 2010
of course it was expected and entirely natural but it still feels odd to type in 2010. like i'm moving on...i feel almost guilty that i didn't hang out with 09 more, especially at the end...but i was busy enjoying the rally for 10. standing under christmas lights surrounded by a blanket of good music and conversation.
don't get me wrong, i was ready to say goodbye; 09 was a partial bust. there were many tears and heartache, confusion, and financial frustration. i went through four bosses and sat at a desk doing a job that makes me feel numb.
but i can't lose sight of the good things of 09. like being introduced to more self improvement, better health, new friends, and my sweet precious niece made her debut in september.
each month seems to have a marketing catch. sometimes january is advertised as the month that we get to start afresh and all the wonder is still glittery and possibilities are endless...i agree.
yet,there is a part of me that struggles with january...because it's new and you know that the novelty will wear off; not to mention year end inventory where you account for people who were there at the start but weren't there at the end...this pulls at my heart strings. whether it be a death or falling out, geographical differences or lifestyle changes; when people are in my life i care entirely...so even if their absence is for the best, it feels nothing short of awful.
the movie reel of the previous year seems to be showing often in january. a chance to reminisce...
it makes me want eat popcorn and watch the highlights. there are cheesy chic flick-ish scenes. volunteering moments that make me optimistic...my week with the Bean--such a wonderful experience. scenes from my 103 mile bike ride make me feel proud and excited. there are love stories that don't make the cut. and there is me...who made it thru it all, still intact--with that little spark inside of me that won't let me give up...no matter what.
the new year brings great potential. the transition is literally seamless, yet i feel like the great wall separates the two. maybe i try to make it a bigger deal than it is?
my being wants to welcome 10 with open arms...yet i feel the need to mourn (for lack of a better word) to be angry (to exaggerate) because i didn't have complete closure with 09. this might be my way of "trying to hang on" to something that needs to be let go...i do this from time to time.
this is not 10's fault...it's just here to do it's job...which is provide me with 365more days to fill with what i choose and more importantly, what i choose to make of it.
for that...
i am tremendously grateful (understatement)
the elasticity of time allows us to expand in hope...and revert back to memories of what came before...
but what holds us up is the now...
the potential in this moment is greater than anything else.
good night 2009; good morning 2010
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