i can hardly type this... still trying to comprehend it all..... my oldest furry nephew, moto, passed away unexpectedly on friday night (4/15/11). i truly can't say it-type it-think the sentence without crying. i saw that my little brother had called me a few times on friday night but i was busy coaching classes so we didn't get to talk until after i left. he was on speaker phone since i was heading up to portland when he told me that moto was VERY sick. what do you mean, i asked? there is a tumor or infection and he is at the hospital right now. i kept thinking- he will get through this. he is a fighter. but austin reminded me that there was a good chance i would never see him alive again. this reality sent me into a downward spiral.
i told austin i would be praying from the greatest depths of my heart for mr. moto. he told me that he would keep me posted on his condition.
i immediately called my dear friend chris and told him that i wasn't sure what to do. this was all soo sudden. he was really great about listening. as we talked, i walked him through the last time i saw moto. it was the weekend before; there was a brief rub, pat, and hi moto, at his other aunt emily's house. the next day the brent family stopped by my place to say goodbye before heading north. i peeked in the back of their subaru and said "hi boys" and smiled...they were their usual chipper selves...happy to see me, hoping i would talk their parents into letting them out.
that was the last time i saw him. i immediately felt guilty. why didn't i give him more attention? how did i mistakenly assume i would see him again? the only way i can answer is: because in my head, that's how it should work. we should always get to see those we love...again, right?
chris and i had been talking for less than 15 minutes when i received a text message from my sister-in-law that informed me moto's heart had stopped beating.
suddenly i was claustrophobic in the car. i blurted out to chris that moto was gone.
a minute later, austin followed up with a text saying "wish him the best in heaven"
at that point, everything became a blur. tears came pouring out by the gallon. i considered driving to seattle just to be there if they needed anything, but knew that my broken heart wouldn't be much help. the next morning, i could barely open my eyes. literally. i've never seen them soo swollen. most of me just wanted to keep laying there. completely uninspired and A LOT irritated at the Universe...but i drove to the run. on the way there i decided i would run in memory of moto...the way animals love has always amazed me but moto and i definitely had a special connection. he was not just a "dog" i specifically remember a weekend where i watched moto and his brother, otis.
it was a weekend when i was of course having some boy problems or something equally as lame and moto was by my side the whole time, like he knew my heart and brain were both hurting and confused...he was sensitive and selfless like that.
i told austin i would be praying from the greatest depths of my heart for mr. moto. he told me that he would keep me posted on his condition.
i immediately called my dear friend chris and told him that i wasn't sure what to do. this was all soo sudden. he was really great about listening. as we talked, i walked him through the last time i saw moto. it was the weekend before; there was a brief rub, pat, and hi moto, at his other aunt emily's house. the next day the brent family stopped by my place to say goodbye before heading north. i peeked in the back of their subaru and said "hi boys" and smiled...they were their usual chipper selves...happy to see me, hoping i would talk their parents into letting them out.
that was the last time i saw him. i immediately felt guilty. why didn't i give him more attention? how did i mistakenly assume i would see him again? the only way i can answer is: because in my head, that's how it should work. we should always get to see those we love...again, right?
chris and i had been talking for less than 15 minutes when i received a text message from my sister-in-law that informed me moto's heart had stopped beating.
suddenly i was claustrophobic in the car. i blurted out to chris that moto was gone.
a minute later, austin followed up with a text saying "wish him the best in heaven"
at that point, everything became a blur. tears came pouring out by the gallon. i considered driving to seattle just to be there if they needed anything, but knew that my broken heart wouldn't be much help. the next morning, i could barely open my eyes. literally. i've never seen them soo swollen. most of me just wanted to keep laying there. completely uninspired and A LOT irritated at the Universe...but i drove to the run. on the way there i decided i would run in memory of moto...the way animals love has always amazed me but moto and i definitely had a special connection. he was not just a "dog" i specifically remember a weekend where i watched moto and his brother, otis.
it was a weekend when i was of course having some boy problems or something equally as lame and moto was by my side the whole time, like he knew my heart and brain were both hurting and confused...he was sensitive and selfless like that.
gosh, this made me tear up : (
ReplyDeleteit's SO hard when you don't get to say goodbye. hugs!