the start of a good habit


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"If you make it a habit not to blame others, you will feel the growth of the ability to love in your soul, and you will see the growth of goodness in your life."

—Leo Tolstoy


sometimes my blog posts aren't fun like other peoples'. i tend to talk about stuff i am going through. post quotes that remind me of how i want to live. some also remind me that some habits can be very beneficial to our health. this one is like that. maybe it was just that i read it on a "hard" day, but it managed to shout "hey, emilee, just in case no one has told you lately...it's ok to not blame others for things that have happened to you....including YOURSELF" i paused and then re-read. "yeah, you heard me" it softly insisted. "but...what about 'my story' there are entire chapters on blame and how if someone hadn't done x then i wouldn't be where i am today" 


this quote is patient, let me tell you...because every part of my ego wanted to say...but what about....and it remained unchanged.
my strong sense of justice felt entitled...my insecurities screamed, but isn't that going to make the "baddies" think it's OK to do those things?"


the quote replied, "i ask of you but to try...begin right now, starting with yourself" i chewed my fingernails and thought about all the things i didn't think i could do but tried anyway...and all of the good that came of that.
immediately i stopped blaming the quote for frustrating me. for making me uncomfortable. for making me feel like a weak co-dependent who has relied on blaming myself-- to push me to be better. what kind of "self improvement" mechanism is that? oh yeah, it's not one. it's a sabotage tactic. 
so, i'm going to give it a shot...and i look forward to the growth of even more goodness in my life and a hell of a lot less blame.

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