while i was laying in bed shivering and sweating i started thinking about a future wedding dress. most of those who know me know i used to think about stuff like that a lot...and i am realizing now more than ever, that it has only partially been due to the fact that it would be kind of cool to find my guy and get married some day. the larger part of why i think about stuff like this and the same reason i love cake design shows, is because i love the design element. i love imagining the fabrication of it all.
anyway, i saw black swan twice. i liked it. there are those who-after hearing this- will throw red paint on me like i'm some fur coat wearing fan of black swan...but i could really connect on some levels: about wanting to be better and better and being SUPER hard on myself when my greatest efforts still only manifest into mediocrity. this has always pissed me off. there will probably be a therapeutic post on that at some point but right now i just want to comment on the dress. not how skinny natalie portman is...that doesn't pertain to my vision.
i have had a few thoughts about where i would like to get married...most days it's in montana and i am wearing red cowboy boots...with longer hair that is naturally curly and i of course look smashing (ha ha) other days, especially days spent in cities, i think about art museums and cityscapes. all the lights and buildings. i want to have fun backgrounds for pictures...because even though i don't usually like pictures of myself, i am going to make damn sure there are a few awesome ones from that day.
so, when i see this dress i think of a city-ish wedding. i am not sure i would keep the criss crossing material in the back and while i semi-like that it is somewhat flowy, i would probably consider a different material... as i am no delicate butterfly or princess. i can't imagine wearing a tiara on my wedding day either. nothing against them...just not for me.
maybe there is something about trying to dream of and envision pretty things while feeling miserable...reminds me that i very well may recover and when that day comes...i will rejoice and stop thinking about what my wedding dress might some day look like. ha ha!
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