my sister recently learned that the 15 year old son of her friend, died- suddenly. he had cleared his physical...and then a few days later, while in PE class, collapsed. it makes my heart ache...
how does one even begin to understand or conceive something so unexpected? even when we lose a loved one over time...as the disease invades their body, stealing them from us--slowly.
that too, is still hard.
i've known many who have miscarried and experienced the loss of a love they never met...but who already had a place in their heart...and now they must grieve the 'potential'...what would they have looked like, or grown up to be...those questions...with unknown answers.
for me, it is often paralyzing because suddenly i don't know what to say. what if it comes out wrong, what if they get upset, what if....but i stumbled across a blog that referenced a book titled Bittersweet, which has a chapter called "say something"
here is a part from the blog post:
That line, I heard what happened, and I don’t know what to say, was the last line of the chapter in Bittersweet called “Say Something.” It was an especially good chapter because it talked about how when bad, sad, or unfortunate things happen to people we know, even if we don’t know what to say, we have to say something. People who are going through a difficult season may be want to be left alone some of the time, but you can generally bank on the fact that they don’t want to be ignored as if nothing is even going on with them. That’s the point Shauna was trying to make, and she was so honest about the times she has failed to say something and so hopeful about the times in the future when she will say something, even if it’s simply I heard what happened, and I don’t know what to say.
Below is a section of the “Say Something” chapter:
"Say something, every time, and ask the simplest questions: How are you? What was it like? What can I do? In my experience, you can never go wrong with flowers and food, even when someone insists that there’s nothing at all you can do."
during this time when people's hearts and minds are so full and troubled...it can be a blessing i imagine, to hear someone ask "how are you" "can i do anything"
just as it is to receive a home cooked meal, flowers, or a random card in the mail....hey i'm thinking of you... even if they can't reciprocate the sentiment at this time, it doesn't mean it's not appreciated.
these are the gestures that can solicit a response we can't predict...so maybe someone shouts at you when you ask how they are "i'm NOT ok" okay...at least they are talking
maybe someone responds with "well, unless you can bring (name) back, then NO there is nothing you can do"
they are hurting and these are responses that keep them communicating. it offers them a window---where they have been asked, therefore it is acceptable to respond. often times i wonder how trapped people in mourning feel...do they know that they can call me anytime, cry on my shoulder in the middle of a grocery store, or ring my doorbell during christmas dinner..?
expression can be healing...and it takes the pressure off of having to pretend that things are fine. saying something means they don't have to protect 'you' from feeling uncomfortable...
the simple message "say something" is also a great reminder to tell those that you love, I LOVE YOU...even when you are mad at them.
even when they left the toilet seat up...again! even when they forgot to pick you up at the airport or didn't tell you that you looked beautiful when you needed it.
you are allowed to be mad or frustrated....but it's important to not lose sight of the other side of how you feel...the loving side...
how does one even begin to understand or conceive something so unexpected? even when we lose a loved one over time...as the disease invades their body, stealing them from us--slowly.
that too, is still hard.
i've known many who have miscarried and experienced the loss of a love they never met...but who already had a place in their heart...and now they must grieve the 'potential'...what would they have looked like, or grown up to be...those questions...with unknown answers.
for me, it is often paralyzing because suddenly i don't know what to say. what if it comes out wrong, what if they get upset, what if....but i stumbled across a blog that referenced a book titled Bittersweet, which has a chapter called "say something"
here is a part from the blog post:
That line, I heard what happened, and I don’t know what to say, was the last line of the chapter in Bittersweet called “Say Something.” It was an especially good chapter because it talked about how when bad, sad, or unfortunate things happen to people we know, even if we don’t know what to say, we have to say something. People who are going through a difficult season may be want to be left alone some of the time, but you can generally bank on the fact that they don’t want to be ignored as if nothing is even going on with them. That’s the point Shauna was trying to make, and she was so honest about the times she has failed to say something and so hopeful about the times in the future when she will say something, even if it’s simply I heard what happened, and I don’t know what to say.
Below is a section of the “Say Something” chapter:
"Say something, every time, and ask the simplest questions: How are you? What was it like? What can I do? In my experience, you can never go wrong with flowers and food, even when someone insists that there’s nothing at all you can do."
during this time when people's hearts and minds are so full and troubled...it can be a blessing i imagine, to hear someone ask "how are you" "can i do anything"
just as it is to receive a home cooked meal, flowers, or a random card in the mail....hey i'm thinking of you... even if they can't reciprocate the sentiment at this time, it doesn't mean it's not appreciated.
these are the gestures that can solicit a response we can't predict...so maybe someone shouts at you when you ask how they are "i'm NOT ok" okay...at least they are talking
maybe someone responds with "well, unless you can bring (name) back, then NO there is nothing you can do"
they are hurting and these are responses that keep them communicating. it offers them a window---where they have been asked, therefore it is acceptable to respond. often times i wonder how trapped people in mourning feel...do they know that they can call me anytime, cry on my shoulder in the middle of a grocery store, or ring my doorbell during christmas dinner..?
expression can be healing...and it takes the pressure off of having to pretend that things are fine. saying something means they don't have to protect 'you' from feeling uncomfortable...
the simple message "say something" is also a great reminder to tell those that you love, I LOVE YOU...even when you are mad at them.
even when they left the toilet seat up...again! even when they forgot to pick you up at the airport or didn't tell you that you looked beautiful when you needed it.
you are allowed to be mad or frustrated....but it's important to not lose sight of the other side of how you feel...the loving side...
Comments
Post a Comment