it's sunday. for some reason i struggle with sundays. not sure why exactly...although i could come up with a few theories. it's mostly mental at this point. how do we truly know what day it is anyway? for me, if i have to go to work...it could be monday or friday...and everything in between. saturdays are usually identified by a trip to the gym and running fun and random errands.
sunday...hmmm, i wake up and get this weird feeling...the streets are vacant. everything is slow paced. infomercials invade the tv **ok, seriously that must be part of it.
so turn off the tv, right? easy enough...but that feeling is still there. it's stale and suffocating. for the past few sundays i have tried to busy myself with trips to the coast or library...keeping my mind off identifying the day or placing any meaning on it...
more than likely it also has something to do with the fact that the day after is monday. and although i feel blessed at the chance of a new day...i have to go to work.
it isn't work that i mind...it's the lack of purpose i feel there. honestly, what is keeping me from doing the things i was meant to do? what prevents me from tapping into my creative potential?
another dream of mine is to help people be healthier....not just at a fitness level, but all around. i want to help people feel better. about themselves and about the life they live.
perhaps the dilemma with that right now is that i'm only sort of there myself. yes, i have an awesome life and i can't lose sight of HOW FAR i have come...oh my goodness!!!!
but i am just now getting my head out of the depressed cave it was in...seeing the sun for the first time in awhile (like everyone else)
my body doesn't feel right. it feels fuller and awkward shaped. my clothes remind me of this daily. this is a real challenge for me. it's time i get back to where i was--no! better than i was...i have to remember how good it felt to be fit and strong and lean and full or energy.
maybe it's also that sundays make me feel lonely. i am reminded of relationships and the lack of. i don't mean to be or want to be so greatly affected by relationships that don't work out. it's pretty common, right? (i think it's just that i look forward to having someone to do stuff with. i'm an indepent girl and love doing things on my own...but a lot of things are best when shared with someone special)
it's certainly not the end of the world and hell, it often doesn't even have anything to do with me...it's pretty simple really. my damn ego is what gets in the way. the damn ego who likes to tell me it is always about me. i'm the reason it didn't work. not pretty, funny, or smart enough....bull crap! for once in my life, i only want to take on what is mine in regards to this area. we all have stuff...
sundays are in my pile of stuff.
ok, so now that i've vented about sundays....i need to find a better feeling story about them....
hmmm
.......
tick tock
(jeopardy theme song playing)
........
ok, here we go.
i am currently watching my brother and sister in law's house and they have a wonderful backyard. just yesterday i spent most of my day outside--in the sun. my goal was to read my book. instead, i just let my body do what it needed to do...dozing off while soaking up some vitamin d.
the ducks and dogs joined me and we listened to music.
i drank iced lemon water and literally just sat there in the moment...i realized then how much i do want my own place with a sweet little backyard....where i can host an afternoon party for 1(me) or a wafflepalooza fest for my friends....
last night, i toasted dusk with a chilled glass of red wine-it was fabulous!
i am not sure where this place will be....i'm in portland far more than i'm in eugene. my roots are MW bound and i left most of my heart in new zealand.
the question will not be solved in a day as we all know...rome was not built in one either. i will figure it out...
so i will not worry about today feeling stale. i will instead sit out in the sun and continue working on 5k plans as well as some creative projects i hope to produce. i will be thankful for this opportunity that has allowed me to further clarify what i want!
phew, i feel better already
sunday...hmmm, i wake up and get this weird feeling...the streets are vacant. everything is slow paced. infomercials invade the tv **ok, seriously that must be part of it.
so turn off the tv, right? easy enough...but that feeling is still there. it's stale and suffocating. for the past few sundays i have tried to busy myself with trips to the coast or library...keeping my mind off identifying the day or placing any meaning on it...
more than likely it also has something to do with the fact that the day after is monday. and although i feel blessed at the chance of a new day...i have to go to work.
it isn't work that i mind...it's the lack of purpose i feel there. honestly, what is keeping me from doing the things i was meant to do? what prevents me from tapping into my creative potential?
another dream of mine is to help people be healthier....not just at a fitness level, but all around. i want to help people feel better. about themselves and about the life they live.
perhaps the dilemma with that right now is that i'm only sort of there myself. yes, i have an awesome life and i can't lose sight of HOW FAR i have come...oh my goodness!!!!
but i am just now getting my head out of the depressed cave it was in...seeing the sun for the first time in awhile (like everyone else)
my body doesn't feel right. it feels fuller and awkward shaped. my clothes remind me of this daily. this is a real challenge for me. it's time i get back to where i was--no! better than i was...i have to remember how good it felt to be fit and strong and lean and full or energy.
maybe it's also that sundays make me feel lonely. i am reminded of relationships and the lack of. i don't mean to be or want to be so greatly affected by relationships that don't work out. it's pretty common, right? (i think it's just that i look forward to having someone to do stuff with. i'm an indepent girl and love doing things on my own...but a lot of things are best when shared with someone special)
it's certainly not the end of the world and hell, it often doesn't even have anything to do with me...it's pretty simple really. my damn ego is what gets in the way. the damn ego who likes to tell me it is always about me. i'm the reason it didn't work. not pretty, funny, or smart enough....bull crap! for once in my life, i only want to take on what is mine in regards to this area. we all have stuff...
sundays are in my pile of stuff.
ok, so now that i've vented about sundays....i need to find a better feeling story about them....
hmmm
.......
tick tock
(jeopardy theme song playing)
........
ok, here we go.
i am currently watching my brother and sister in law's house and they have a wonderful backyard. just yesterday i spent most of my day outside--in the sun. my goal was to read my book. instead, i just let my body do what it needed to do...dozing off while soaking up some vitamin d.
the ducks and dogs joined me and we listened to music.
i drank iced lemon water and literally just sat there in the moment...i realized then how much i do want my own place with a sweet little backyard....where i can host an afternoon party for 1(me) or a wafflepalooza fest for my friends....
last night, i toasted dusk with a chilled glass of red wine-it was fabulous!
i am not sure where this place will be....i'm in portland far more than i'm in eugene. my roots are MW bound and i left most of my heart in new zealand.
the question will not be solved in a day as we all know...rome was not built in one either. i will figure it out...
so i will not worry about today feeling stale. i will instead sit out in the sun and continue working on 5k plans as well as some creative projects i hope to produce. i will be thankful for this opportunity that has allowed me to further clarify what i want!
phew, i feel better already
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