laughing out loud

 belly laugh Buddha/image found on the web

have you ever had a moment when you actually hear yourself laughing…straight from the depths of your stomach…the sound of it uncoiling carries a vibration. a vibration of fuzzy delight.

this is a precious sound and now…even the sound of my own laughter can make me laugh harder. 

it hasn’t always been this way. 

there were years of masking my depression by making other people laugh…and i became very good at making fun of myself…this too, usually made others laugh...as this continued, my own laughter felt tainted with sadness...and then one day it seemed to vanish

i’m not sure if it disappeared because the universe knew i needed to make a change. perhaps something bigger than me knew that i needed to learn the difference between laughter that hides the pain and laughter that reconnects me with my natural born innocence. the innocence that is immune to judgment…the innocence that is our birth given right.

recently, i have listened to my laughter. and it sounds different...like it's infused with happiness. the best part of laughing is you can laugh alone or in a group. with my nieces or a stranger in line at the grocery store. it knows no age or race... it's a universal language of sorts.

most of the time i am not even sure what is funny...it just is. today, at work, a few of us started talking and i said something and someone started laughing, and then another chimed in…and then i heard myself start to laugh…my adult self wanted to stop me as it seemed inappropriate for the work environment and then i reminded myself…we don’t get recess anymore…we don’t get the summers off and we very seldom get to act like little kids…giggling at something simple...but giggling nonetheless...

seriously. we should never grow out of our imaginations…and we are certainly never too old to laugh out loud. it’s the cheapest medicine out there.