follow up on breakin' up

hopefully my breakin' up post didn't make all of my 4 readers think i'm losing it... it just seemed like a fun way to explain a not so fun reality. i've struggled all my life with depression, insecurity, anxiety, self doubt and yet, i've also struggled with the fact that i feel like i have a little spark inside of me. the spark that has kept me going....the spark that believes i am capable of far more than i could ever imagine...

lately, that little spark has become brighter and bolder. it has started to light up the dark areas and in doing so, i've been able to recognize how much power i've been giving one side of me.
but alas, this little light of mine...i'm gonna let it shine.

i fault NO ONE for being insecure. we don't have ANY idea where anyone else has come from, what their past has been, and what they might be currently going thru. i have hung around someone suffering from a major case of insecurity and it was hard...mainly because no matter what i said--it didn't fix them. it didn't make them feel better. that made me feel helpless. but then i realized it's not my job to make someone else feel better...and even if they don't hear it right now or believe it right now...or ever, i can certainly still have hope. for them and for myself. 

it's shocking how many relationships have fallen to the wayside because of my insecurity...granted, i'm sure there was more to it than that but it was a huge part. the thing is...i always felt it to be beneficial to the other party to let them know where i've come from, what i've been thru because things come up...what i have learned is that many people will use your story against you...in some way. whether they were aware of it or not...suddenly my truth and struggle and attempt at self improvement became their excuse or their way out...and i am not even saying there is anything wrong in that...it is their choice after all...as it was mine to share...

so maybe a post of breakin' up with myself for various reasons is a bit too forward...a bit too revealing...and maybe it seems a bit odd...but i guess that is how i roll.

and surprisingly, this break up is part of my better feeling story. 

i honestly look forward to spending more time with my confident side. i truly believe there are big things in store for me...and i want to see what those are. i'm guessing it will require some energy and although those who know me know i don't lack in that department, i'd rather run more efficiently...

and yet again, i leave you with a post that is probably more than you bargained for...hey, what can i say...i'm a bucket full of laughs...or confusion...depends on how you look at it.